rediscovery

Last night I rediscovered my love of cinnamon toast. It had been years since our last encounter. I don't know how I lived so long without that butter, sugar, cinnamon, bread combo that is a delight to my taste buds! And cinnamon toast is so fast and easy too. Seriously, what is not to love? I had it for a bedtime snack last night and again this morning. I see a dangerous trend starting.

the business of being born

We watched the documentary last night, and I highly recommend it to all of you. It will definitely open your eyes about how birth happens in this country. Here are my thoughts on it.

The purpose of the film is not to push home births. I honestly think the purpose of the film is to show that there are options out there besides a highly medicalized birth. Because the truth is, the majority of births are low-risk and don't need a lot of medical intervention. Ricki Lake, the executive producer of the film, decided to make it after having her first son in the hospital with lots of intervention and her second son at home with a midwife. She felt that the second birth was so much more fulfilling. She called it a gift to her son. Again, she didn't make the film to say that having a home birth is better. She wanted to show that women do have choices. And that having a natural birth is a very different experience than being drugged up. She wants to show that birth can be more.

The film talks about some pretty scary stuff that went on in obstetrics. In the first part of the 20th century the common practice in hospitals was to knock women out during labor and strap them to a bed. It was called twilight sleep. Here is the definition from MedicineNet.com:

Twilight sleep: A term applied to the combination of analgesia (pain relief) and amnesia (loss of memory) produced by a mixture of morphine and scopolamine ("scope") given by a hypodermic injection (an injection under the skin). The mixture of the two drugs created a state in which the woman, while responding somewhat to pain, did not remember it after delivering her baby. Twilight sleep was once in vogue in obstetrics.

The women had to be tied down because they would thrash around while in this state. They would have no memory of giving birth.

Other crazy stuff that used to be routine was x-raying pregnant mothers to check the size of the baby. This went on until they realized it gave the babies cancer. In the 50's mothers were given a drug that caused children to be born without developed arms and legs. And even all through the 90's a drug given to mothers was discovered to be causing major problems. (Sorry I don't remember the specifics. I think it was ruptured uteruses.)

Another point the movie makes is how disturbing the sky-rocketing cesarean rate is in the US. Right now the national average is 1/3 of all births are c-sections. This is much higher than other developed nations. Many believe there are several reasons for this. One is that OBs are mostly trained surgeons and therefore feel more comfortable doing a section than a natural birth. Many OBs very rarely have experienced a natural birth. Another reason is the ridiculous malpractice situation in this country that makes doctors very scared of being sued. They have way more control in a c-section.

Also, there has been an increase in elective c-sections. Women choose to go through major surgery instead of pushing a baby out. Some of the reasons I've heard are the convenience of scheduling the birth, not messing things up "down there", and even doing the c-section a little early in order to lessen the chances of stretch marks. Crazy if you ask me.

There is also evidence that all the interventions common in hospitals today increase the likelihood of a cesarean. The way it is explained in the movie is this: the mother is given an epidural early which slows down labor. So then she is given pitocin to get things going again. Pitocin makes contractions really hard, long, and close together. This puts stress on the baby and usually requires more pain relief. Or it can start with a woman being induced with pitocin and then given the epidural, etc. What happens is this slippery slope occurs where with every intervention, more in often required. And then the baby is under stress and things aren't progressing quickly enough, and so a c-section is given.

Of course, this is not the case with every c-section. There are many emergency c-sections that save the life of the baby and mother and couldn't have been prevented. In fact, the director of the film ends up having an emergency cesarean because her baby is breech and she went into labor 5 weeks early. It turned out that the placenta had stopped working, so her baby had stopped growing. He was only about 3 pounds. Usually, if this condition happens, the baby is stillborn, so they were really lucky.

One thing I thought was interesting is that the director said afterwards that she didn't feel like she gave birth. She felt like she was in a car accident, went into surgery, and was given a baby afterwards. She described the whole thing as being very surreal and that it was hard not to be able to bond with her baby right away. I'm curious if any of you who have had c-sections felt this way.

Another thought provoking point was made by a French doctor they interviewed. He says that the hormones released during natural labor and birth are what help us to bond to our babies right away. He said that if you take that away, especially when a c-section is done, you are taking away the "love hormones" that cause that bonding. He said, for example, that if you give a monkey a c-section, the monkey will want nothing to do with her baby. Obviously, we are human and love our babies however they come to us. I do not think that a mother who births naturally loves her baby more than a mother who has a c-section or a mother who adopts. But the hormone stuff is real and makes one wonder if it is affecting us in some way.

There are few things I wish were a little different in the film. I wish they had shown more hospital births where things go well. I would have liked to seen a natural hospital birth, because that is what I plan on doing. I also wish they had spent a little time on how mothers should prepare for a natural birth because I think it definitely takes some preparation. The film was skewed toward midwives, but I think that is understandable because they were trying to show that midwives are an often forgotten option in the US. Everyone knows you can go to an OB and have a hospital birth. This film is trying to show that women actually have more choices than that. And even if you do have an OB at the hospital, you still have choices. The point is that women should be in control, not doctors.

I definitely recommend this film. I was educated and moved. I found it inspiring to watch women give birth naturally and safely. I still plan on having my baby in the hospital. But if this birth goes smoothly, I would certainly consider other options such as a birth center or maybe even home for subsequent births. Midwives are trained professionals who come equipped with many of the tools doctors have in the hospital. I am actually excited for the birth of this baby. I'm excited to see what my body is capable of and to truly experience it all.

I also want to point out that the most important thing is not to have a natural birth, but to have choices. And of course to have a healthy baby. I know many women choose to have epidurals and have no regrets. What concerns me more is all the women I've talked to who are disappointed in their birth experience because of all the interventions. They went into it without knowing much and just went along with hospital protocol. I don't agree with hospitals that pretty much automatically prep everyone for an epidural and pitocin. Laboring on your back in bed is not the best way to get a baby to come out.

What I love about this film is that it shows women that they can have a different birth experience than the one you are likely to get if you walk into a hospital ignorant of your choices.

Any thoughts?

coming today

This movie should be waiting in my mailbox in a red Netflix envelope when I get home from work today. I'm so excited to watch it! I'll definitely let you know what I think afterwards. Click here for my previous post about it.

Happy First Birthday to my blog! (2 days ago)

I just realized this morning that I totally missed my blog's first birthday! I wrote my very first post on February 23 of last year. My posting was pretty sporadic those first few months but got steadier over the summer when me and the blogging world became better friends.

Happy Birthday, dear blog of mine! It's been a good year.

17 weeks

How your baby's growing: Your baby weighs 5 ounces now (about as much as a turnip), and he's around 5 inches long. He can move his joints, and his skeleton — until now rubbery cartilage — is starting to harden to bone. His sense of hearing is also developing. The umbilical cord, his lifeline to the placenta, is growing stronger and thicker.

I've been feeling the baby move now for more than a week and it's really helped me feel closer to him/her. Jared is really cute and talks to my tummy now too. Having a baby is such a bonding experience. Seeing how excited Jared is makes me love him even more.

the ultrasound

will be March 4th!!! That's less than two weeks away! I can't wait to see my baby and hopefully find out whether I can start buying pink clothes or blue clothes.

So any guesses on the gender?

baby update

I went to the doctor's yesterday and things are looking good. I have officially gained one pound! We heard the heartbeat again nice and strong. My doctor also measured my belly, and I'm a little on the small side for 16 weeks, but nothing to worry about. It's funny because in order to justify the ultrasound to the insurance company the doctor has to say you are either "too small" or "too big". The ultrasound is then used to check the baby's development. So she put me down as "too small" but said I'm probably fine. I will find out today when I'm having the ultrasound. It will be in 2-4 weeks! We are so excited to find out if this little baby is a he or she!

Here is a little visual update of the growing tummy. We took this on Monday night:

We also took a little trip to Costco last night and splurged on a couple things. I will have pictures of those tomorrow. And...I went to Motherhood Maternity to try on their "Secret Fit Belly" jeans. Let me tell you, if you are pregnant you must try on these pants! They are the most comfortable things ever! It seriously feels like you are wearing nothing. They didn't have a huge selection at the store so I ordered some online. The best part is I can wear them now and even after the baby because of how they fit. Motherhood maternity has them for very reasonable prices. Mimi Maternity also them but they are more expensive. I can totally still wear most of my pants but it is like heaven to have nothing pressing on your belly, which is how these pants feel. The stretchy part over the tummy is quite thin and soft and feels delicious.

movies we've watched lately

We love us some Netflix in our house, and I thought I'd give you my take on our last few DVD selections.

We really liked this one. It's trippy and weird but has a cool Moulin Rouge-esque thing about it. And it's a musical using all Beatles songs! What is not to love about that?
It was funny cause several times throughout the movie Jared would ask me, "Now that's not a Beatles song is it?" And I'd say, "Yes! They are ALL Beatles songs!" It took him a while to catch on to that. :-)
Love you honey!


Although I do think the movie poster is rather cool, I did not much like this movie. It's a thriller so it was cool trying to figure stuff out, but it left me feeling depressed and not in a good way. The basic premise is a woman's husband is killed in a car accident but she lives the days of the week it happens out of order, so she knows he is dead but then wakes up and it's two days earlier and he's not dead and then it's two days later and it's his funeral, etc.


I quite liked this one. It moves a bit slowly but it's a really sweet story about a widower who decides to adopt an eccentric little boy that happens to think he's from Mars. The best part is that it is based on a true story. Also, it has Amanda Peet in a supporting role, and I have a girl crush on her.


Jared put this on our queue and when it arrived I wasn't all that excited about watching it. It's long and I had heard it moves pretty slowly. So I was very pleasantly surprised to find that I really enjoyed it. It is long and it doesn't have the usual arc and climax of most stories, but I was never bored once. It is based on the true story about a serial killer who called himself Zodiac. The three main characters are a reporter (Robert Downey, Jr.), a cartoonist who went on to write a book about the case (Jake Gyllenhaal), and a detective (Mark Ruffalo). Great acting all around and a very intriguing story.

What movies have you watched lately?

16 weeks

How your baby's growing: At 4 1/2 inches long (head to bottom) and 3 1/2 ounces, your baby is about the size of an avocado. In the next three weeks, she'll go through a tremendous growth spurt, though, doubling her weight and adding inches to her length. Her lower limbs are much more developed now. Her head is more erect than it has been, and her eyes have moved toward the front of her head. Your baby's ears are close to their final position, too. Some of her more advanced body systems are working, including her circulatory system and urinary tract. Her heart is now pumping about 25 quarts of blood each day, circulating her total blood volume through her body many times. (By the end of your pregnancy, this will increase to about 190 quarts.) The patterning of her scalp has begun, though her hair isn't recognizable yet. Although closed, her eyes are moving (slowly), and she's even started growing toenails.

Well the big news this week is definitely that I felt the baby! I'm convinced that I did. It really makes it all feel more real. I feel more of a connection with my baby. It's not quite so abstract now that I've felt my little one move. Pretty cool stuff. My next doctor's appointment is on Tuesday so hopefully they'll find everything is progressing nicely.

what's up, baby?

photo from birth.com

I think I felt my baby move. I have no way of knowing for sure. I've been questioning every little gurgle in my belly for the past couple weeks. But this definitely felt different. My first clue is that it was in the area of my uterus. Duh. And at first it felt like something turned. It didn't really feel like a flutter. I can't describe it. Then about 5 minutes later I felt something again. This time more fluttery. Could it be the baby? How the heck am I supposed to know?

For all you ladies who have been pregnant, how did you know it was the baby moving? When did you first feel it move? What did it feel like?

a valentine for my valentine

I'm really not that into Valentine's day, but except for all the hype, what can be bad about a holiday dedicated to LOVE! My very own darling husband surprised me this morning by leaving a "tribute" post to me on my own blog. (Scroll down to read it if you haven't.) I didn't realize he had done it until I got an email notification after a couple people commented...more than 2 hours after he posted it! Upon reading it, I immediately teared up and just did again when I reread it. Jared is very good with words. It's one of the reasons I fell in love with him so quickly! Today I fear that I will not be able to write as beautifully as he has done. Nevertheless, here is my Valentine to him.

To Jared,

Lovers Running by Brian Kershisnik

Nearly one year ago this painting was on display at the Utah Museum of Art--on the day we got married. I love it. It is so joyful. The lovers are outside. They are running. They are embracing and about to kiss. And they have angels in the clouds gazing down on them. Who wouldn't want to be them?

This painting is how I feel with you. Life is joyful. We know real love. We are running through life, and we are turned toward each other. We have angels smiling down on us. I know we do.

But life isn't always a sunny meadow. Sometimes it is stormy. Sometimes it is cold. Sometimes there are mountains in our path or rivers to traverse. Sometimes we stumble and fall.

Still I know you are there beside me. I know my hand is firmly placed in yours. We are on the journey together. And when the rain pours upon us, we hold on ever tighter.

No matter the rain or snow or mountains or deserts we must face, I know we will get to the sunny meadow once more. How happy I am to have you as my companion as we run along.

I love you, my friend.

yours forever,

Katrina

Tribute

Happy Valentines Day, my dear wife.

Usually I draw little cards to commemorate special occasions, but for quite some time this blog post has been swirling in my head, so I figured today would be a good time to write it.

I wanted to write a tribute to Katrina, one inspired by the following picture:


Here you see a gorgeous, striking young woman on that most special day of her life--her wedding day. Now, this particular girl is beautiful, stable, friendly, talented--in short, she has many qualities that could snag her pretty much any guy she wanted. And I happen to know for a fact that there were several of such guys who were interested in her... men who could offer her lives of financial and emotional stability and all sorts of things that the typical girls wants.

But this is not the typical wedding picture. In addition to the lovely bride and lucky guy are three precious children, fitting symbols for the complexity of the life Katrina has chosen. My heart fills with wonder and gratitude as I reflect on how much Katrina has accepted and loved these cherished friends and charges of mine. I am already a better father because of her influence, and I am so excited to have a fresh start and bring a baby into our family. I know that Katrina will do an exceptional job as a mother. As those of you who know Katrina well are aware, marrying me has added complexity and challenge to Katrina's life that she otherwise would not have known. What you cannot know fully is the degree to which she has handled these challenges with admirable grace, patience, and love. I honor her for it.

I joke that God finally slapped me upside the head and interceded by bringing Katrina into my life, because I certainly wasn't getting it before her. She is the kind of person I would have been looking for had I been wiser... she is an ideal match for me. For almost anyone, I feel, and I am so grateful she chose me to share her self and life and love.

As I have said before, Katrina has so many of those traits that are so foundational they risk being taken for granted. She loves exceptionally. She is an amazing friend. She is wise and stable and caring. And then there are those traits that too often do not inhabit the same soul...purity of heart and openness of mind, emotional stability and artistic creativity. She drinks in life with a childlike wonder--savoring all that delights the senses--good food and stirring music and beauty captured by the eye and camera. Plus she is gorgeous and sexy and interesting and fun!

Katrina, you are my Angel. I love you.

100-days of strike

Isn't it just like creative writer types to end their strike on exactly the 100 day mark? It has such a poetic ring to it. All I can say is WAHOO!!!! Now hurry up and bring back some shows people! I miss Seattle Grace and the Pie Hole. And now I've forgotten what other shows I liked because it's been... so... long!!! Sadly I read that a lot of shows, such as Pushing Daisies, probably won't be coming back this season at all. Tragedy. At least I have CNN with all the political shenanigans still ongoing. By the way, Obama is on a roll!

What show's return are you most anxiously awaiting? Or could you care less?

pregnancy is weird

It really is. It is a bizarre thing to be inhabited by another living person. And it is strange to see your body morph as that person grows. And I'm just getting started! I'm starting to show a bit more as my tummy expands. But this is what I don't get: I haven't actually gained any weight. The scale is not changing despite my growing midsection. Which leaves me to conclude that other parts of me must be shrinking. Jared pointed out yesterday that my pants are baggier in my butt and legs. And I think my arms may be a bit smaller too. Has anyone else experienced this? I'm the type that has always gained and lost weight all over my body, so to only be getting bigger in my belly is kinda weird to me. Of course, that is the way I'd like it to be since I am pregnant and not just getting fat, so I am NOT complaining. It's just a little strange to me that I haven't gained weight yet. I keep thinking one of these days I'll get on the scale and will have gained 5 pounds overnight. I'm waiting.

11 months married and a tag

One more month until our first anniversary! Time really does fly when you are having fun, doesn't it? I thought today would be a good time to do this tag from Autumn.

How long have you and your significant other been together?
We’ve been married 11 months! We knew each other about 8 months before we got married. A bit fast, I know.

Who eats more?
Jared most of the time, but pregnancy has definitely allowed me to catch up to him sometimes. I am definitely eating more often, but he can still usually eat more during one meal.

Who said I love you first?
Jared did.

Who is taller?
Oh, he’s got a good 9 inches on me.

Who sings better?
I suppose me. I’ve had much more training, but Jared really does have a nice voice.

Who is smarter?
Well, Jared is definitely smarter in many ways. He’s very brilliant. But I have more practical smarts… like a good sense of direction. Jared is hopeless in that area. Seriously hopeless.

Who does the laundry?
Lately, Jared has been doing the laundry since he works at home and I don’t. But we both fold.

Who does the dishes?
We both do.

Who sleeps on the right side of the bed?
I sleep on the right side if one is laying down in bed. We’ve switched a couple times but we always go back.

Who pays the bills?
Mostly Jared.

Who mows the lawn?
We don’t have a lawn.

Who cooks dinner?
It’s probably Jared 70% of the time. He’s a fantastic cook!

Who drives when you are together?
Neither of us love driving, but I tolerate it more than he does. So we split driving duties.

Who is more stubborn?
Hmm…probably Jared.

Who is the first to admit when they're wrong?
I think we are both good about this.

Whose parents do you see the most?
We definitely have spent much more time with my parents, but the frequency is probably about equal.

Who kissed who first?
It was a fairly mutual if I do recall.

Who proposed?
Jared, of course, although I certainly knew it was coming.

Who is more sensitive?
We are both sensitive in our ways.

Who has more friends?
Me.

Who has more siblings?
I have 4 and Jared has 3.

Who wears the pants in the family?
This is a funny question. I’d say we share the pants.

15 weeks

How your baby's growing: Your growing baby now measures about 4 inches long, crown to rump, and weighs in at about 2 1/2 ounces (about the size of an apple). She's busy moving amniotic fluid through her nose and upper respiratory tract, which helps the primitive air sacs in her lungs begin to develop. Her legs are growing longer than her arms now, and she can move all of her joints and limbs. Although her eyelids are still fused shut, she can sense light. If you shine a flashlight at your tummy, for instance, she's likely to move away from the beam. There's not much for your baby to taste at this point, but she is forming taste buds. Finally, if you have an ultrasound this week, you may be able to find out whether your baby's a boy or a girl! (Don't be too disappointed if it remains a mystery, though. Nailing down your baby's sex depends on the clarity of the picture and on your baby's position. He or she may be modestly curled up or turned in such a way as to "hide the goods.")

My baby is looking more and more like a real baby!

bloomed

These are the flowers my parents sent me on my birthday after they bloomed. Gorgeous!

Have a wonderful weekend!

no more mitt

photo from poligazette.com/2008/01/07/mittmentum/

Romney is out. Or technically has "suspended his campaign" meaning he will still hold on to his delegates in case something crazy goes down. I feel a little sad. Mostly because I really do think Mitt Romney is a good guy with good intentions. But somehow, even with all the money, things just haven't gone his way. Somehow people never really got him. Somehow he wasn't able to be himself. I don't think he connected with people. He just didn't quite seem genuine, even though I really think he is. And that makes me sad. So many people disagree with McCain, but at least we really know who is. Somehow who Mitt Romney is didn't seem to get through to people. Plus there were circumstances outside his control that worked against him. And that's the way politics go. It's a strange, strange game. I think Mitt stepping out of it today was the smart thing to do. We'll see how long it takes Huckabee to do the same. Oh yeah, and that Ron Paul guy too.

the presidential race of a lifetime

Is this exciting or what? I was up WAY too late last night watching the Super Tuesday results come in from around the country.

First the Republicans: I am disappointed that Romney didn't do better, but at the same time I am just plain sick of the Republicans. I'm sick of them attacking each other. And arguing over who wants to be in Iraq longer, when most of the country thinks this war should be over sooner rather than later. I feel like the highly conservative base they are all pandering to is a minority of Americans. I know in order to get the nomination they need those supporters but it seems a bit ridiculous. I think that they are all good guys, but I don't particularly like any of them much anymore. I think that McCain is gonna get the nomination, and I won't be at all surprised to see Huckabee as his running mate. McCain needs the support of the Southern Conservatives that love Huckabee. And Huckabee doesn't have a chance of getting the nomination for himself. Sadly, I just don't think Romney can catch up to McCain at this point.

As for the Democrats: I really want Obama to make it. He did well last night. Hillary won some of the really big states but basically they tied last night in the amount of delegates won. I think that if Obama's momentum keeps up he could pull ahead. And I really think he is a better national candidate against John McCain. The Republicans know that too. They are praying that Hillary gets the nomination because they can demonize her. But if Obama gets it, I think it's pretty certain he'd win. There are a lot of people who like him even if they don't consider themselves as liberal as he is. I am one of those people. I'm reading his book The Audacity of Hope right now. It is excellent. He is a fantastic writer. I recommend it to anyone regardless of your party affiliation.

It's going to be very interesting to see what happens over the next few weeks. I just really hope we don't end up with Hillary vs. McCain. I feel like that will be the same old thing again (even if Hillary is a woman). Go Obama!

(PS...I'm still accepting advice below from all you moms out there. Thanks.)

advice wanted

Ok, folks, I need some pregnancy/baby related advice, and I have faith in all of you out there to help a girl out in her time of need.

1. What are some good snacks that I can take to work? I'm getting sick of pretzels and almonds and yogurt. Yesterday I started feeling really not good because I got so hungry and had already eaten the big fat orange I brought for my afternoon snack. I need some new ideas! The hunger monster is getting worse!

2. So I won a $35 amazon gift card from a little contest Nicki had on her blog last week. Yay for me! Thanks Nicki! Now I am trying to decide what to spend it on. I'm thinking of getting a Bella Band or it's less expensive equivalent. I'm in that awkward stage of getting too big for my normal pants but can't fit maternity yet. Has anyone out there tried these? I'd like to know what you think.

3. I've also been looking ahead to when this baby arrives and thinking about getting a sling. There are a couple that I like, and I'm wondering if any of you have tried these or something similar. The first is the Peanut Shell Sling:And the second is the Moby wrap:Both can be used from infant through toddler and are around the same price on amazon. I'm just curious if you all have any opinions, or if there is another sling/wrap style carrier you love more. Please share!

That's it for now. I'll take any other 2nd trimester suggestions you might have though too!

Thanks!

14 weeks

How your baby's growing: This week's big developments: Your baby can now squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his thumb! Thanks to brain impulses, his facial muscles are getting a workout as his tiny features form one expression after another. His kidneys are producing urine, which he releases into the amniotic fluid around him — a process he'll keep up until birth. He can grasp, too, and if you're having an ultrasound now, you may even catch him sucking his thumb.

In other news: Your baby's stretching out. From head to bottom, he measures 3 1/2 inches — about the size of a lemon — and he weighs 1 1/2 ounces. His body's growing faster than his head, which now sits upon a more distinct neck. By the end of this week, his arms will have grown to a length that's in proportion to the rest of his body. (His legs still have some lengthening to do.) He's starting to develop an ultra-fine, downy covering of hair, called lanugo, all over his body. Your baby's liver starts making bile this week — a sign that it's doing its job right — and his spleen starts helping in the production of red blood cells. Though you can't feel his tiny punches and kicks yet, your little pugilist's hands and feet (which now measure about 1/2 inch long) are more flexible and active.

Wahoo! Second trimester here I come! It feels good to have made it to trimester number two. I'm feeling quite good. I definitely count myself as landing on the luckier end of the sickness spectrum. It hasn't been too bad. Now my pants are just getting tighter. I've been unbuttoning the top button on some. I also had Jared take pictures of my now growing belly for the first time. Nicki, this is for you:

I mostly just look fat unless you know I'm pregnant. And at the end of day (when this was taken) I do feel like my belly needs more room. It feels so good to let it hang out there. I can totally stick it out far too. This picture is just me trying to remain neutral.

As all you moms out there know, when you are pregnant it's really wonderful to have friends going through pregnancy with you. I have been quite blessed to have 3 friends all due within days of myself. Rachel, my dear college friend/cousin-in-law, is due July 31st. Emily, who I've known since age four, is due August 2nd. I am due August 3rd. And Katie, another college friend, is due August 4th. Any takers for August 1st? Apparently November was a very fertile month.