we're so glad when daddy comes home

Jared came home last night after five days in Utah to take the kids back. Boy, are we happy to have him home! I hate being apart from Jared, and although I was less lonely having Asher with me, it was also harder having to take care of a baby all by myself. I would never want to be a single mom to an infant. And boy am I glad that my husband is home most of the time. I gotta hand it to all you moms out there with husbands that are gone a lot for work. I am spoiled by having mine work at home right now. It's really nice having another set of hands to hold a fussy baby. One night I didn't eat dinner until after 9 pm because Asher wouldn't stay asleep if I wasn't holding him. But most of the time he was really good. Yesterday he hung out in the carrier lots while I cleaned and didn't complain at all.

Last night, Asher was sound asleep when I left to go pick up Jared at the airport. He was asleep when I carried him in and then about 3 minutes before Jared got there, Asher woke right up and was really alert. I was glad he woke up to see his Daddy. He smiled lots for Jared too. Asher has been smiling more and more every day. It's so fun. I still haven't gotten good photos of it yet because I'm usually having too much fun smiling back at him, or as soon as the camera comes out he stops. I'm pretty sure seeing my baby smile at me or his daddy is about the best thing there is in life.

Life is a lot quieter now with the kiddos gone. It's just the three of us. And honestly, although it's hard to have Jared's kids so far away, we are grateful for this time with just Asher. I'm grateful that just as we got to enjoy time as newlyweds, we will get to enjoy this time with our sweet baby.

The plan is that this will be our last year in NC. Next summer we hope to move out to Utah while Jared writes his dissertation. He met with people at a couple of the Universities out there about teaching part-time next year. We don't want to settle in Utah long term, but it will be nice for a couple years. I'm starting to look forward to it even. It will be so much better for everyone to be near the kids. We both have lots of family there. Two of my siblings will even be at BYU. Plus, I have tons of friends there. I love it here in North Carolina, but it will be really good to be back near so many of the people we love. Plus, we'll save a bundle not having to fly out there so much!

15.5!!!! (and baby carrier)

I have never been so happy about a number in my life! With all of Asher's jaundice drama, these bilirubin level numbers have had very significant meaning. We've been waiting a month for it to get down to the 15 range and it finally has! After we went off the light last week, his levels actually went up from 16 to 17, and I feel like he's even looked more yellow. So I was preparing myself for his levels to have risen again. Instead, he had the biggest drop yet! Oh and he also now weighs a whopping 10 pounds 8 ounces--that is a 10 ounce weight gain since last Thursday! His thighs are starting to get chunkier-- I love it! So no more twice weekly trips to the doctor to get poked. We don't have to go back for two whole weeks. What are we going to do with ourselves?

Here is the little chunker last night after he fell asleep in the baby carrier.

And what is this carrier you might ask? Well after much online research I decided to get the Beco Butterfly carrier. I love it! It has that great newborn insert as you can see above so even little ones like Asher can fit in it. And we'll be able to use it for a long time to come. Once he's bigger we can wear it on our backs too. It comes in lots of different fabrics too. Stylish and functional--what more can you ask for?

I got mine at The Portable Baby where they are on sale until the end of the month.

touching dog story

CNN is reporting a 14 year old girl in Argentina abandoned her newborn baby in a field. A man heard the baby crying and found it being protected by a dog. The baby was cuddled up with the dog and her puppies. Isn't that amazing?! The baby is going to be fine.

to daddy with love

Dear Daddy,

Asher here. How's Utah? Home is the same. Mom hasn't even cleaned the house yet. I have been monopolizing her time. And she's been choosing sleep over cleaning during my naps. Can't say that I blame her since last night I decided I didn't want to go back to sleep at 4 in the morning. She had to use the swaddle, pacificer, sing a lot of songs trick to zonk me out again. She was really wishing you were here.

I wish you were here too. I miss sitting on your lap while you work on the computer. Mama is great and all but I always get distracted by the prospect of food when I'm with her. Although I did show her some of my best smiles today, but I didn't let her get a picture. I like to remain mysterious that way. I did pose pretty nicely for the photo up there with you the other day. I like showing off how strong I am and that I can hold my head up all by myself. I'm getting pretty good at that.

I went to church with Mommy today. I slept through all of Sacrament Meeting. Then I woke up so she could feed me during Sunday School, but I was a very good boy and didn't cry while she talked to some friends first. I don't think Mom minded missing Sunday School. Then I slept through Relief Society too. Mom is really cozy to sleep on. And no one else even tried holding me, so I was happy.

Tomorrow we are going to go pick up a swing for me. I'm not sure if I like that idea or not. We'll have to see.

Well, I better go now. I need to get my sleep. I can't wait to see you on Wednesday!

love,

Asher

letter to my love

By now most of you have probably heard about the plane crash involving Stephanie and Christian Nielson (this will take you to her sisters blog where updates are posted). Stephanie's blog is one of the very first I discovered when I jumped on board this whole blogging thing some 18 months ago. I have emailed her several times and she is always so gracious with her responses. I am just heartbroken imagining her wrapped in bandages in the hospital fighting for her life and knowing that if she makes it through, that life will never be the same. Many of Stephanie's faithful readers have posted about this tragedy and have honored her in various ways. Here is mine.

When Stephanie's husband goes away she often writes "Letters to Mr. Nielson" on her blog. Well my husband left me today to take the children back to Utah. It is just me and the Ash Man at home for the next five days. Today this letter to my darling husband is in honor of the Nielsons.


Dear Jared,

Asher and I have now survived some three hours on our own. Those three hours consisted of eating, playing, diaper changing, tummy time, snuggles, and now Asher is sleeping while I do this. I hope your flight is going well and that the next one will too.

As you know, the Nielson family has been on my mind a lot this week. Thinking of such a beautiful family has made me so grateful for our own beautiful family. Thank you for creating a family with me. Thank you for sharing your children. Thank you for giving me a son. He is already such a little person. It is so fun getting to know him. I love that he is so obviously part of both of us. The eyes from you. The dimples from me. Can you believe we created him? It still blows my mind.

I want you to know how much I love and appreciate you. This summer has been difficult. You have had so much on your shoulders-- first a pregnant wife on bed rest and then a new baby, three kids, a class to teach, RA work, your thesis to finish up, plus all the little necessities of life. You have cooked WAY WAY more than your share of meals. You have cleaned. You have been the go-to man for all of us. I know it hasn't been easy and I want you to know how much I appreciate all you have done and continue to do for me and for our family.

I hope your trip goes well. Know that Asher and I are here waiting for you. It will be wonderful to have you back home with us. We miss you and love you more than ever!

yours always,

Katrina

PS.... Here are a few of the photos we took yesterday. Too bad there were so many bugs outside. There were several almost good ones. Oh well.

This is the best of the two we took of all of us. If only Isaac had cooperated.

Here is the best one of the kids. Grace is doing her crazy face, but otherwise pretty good.

And this one of me and Asher would have been perfect if he had opened his eyes. But he's a baby, so we can't ask for much, can we?

happy one month, asher

Our little baby is now one month old! Here are few facts about the Ash man:

• He loves music. He will pretty much instantly calm down if you sing to him or play music. One of his favorites is "Sunshine On My Shoulders"
  
• He has started really looking at us and will respond to us when we talk to him. He especially seems to love looking at Jared.
• He loves sleeping on our chests. In fact he is there as I type this.
• He now weighs very close to 10 pounds and is 22 inches long. That is more than 2 inches longer than at birth and 2 pounds bigger.
  
• Yesterday he rolled from his tummy to his back during tummy time.
• He loves sleeping on his side. We lay him on his back but he often turns to his side while he sleeps.
• When he bathe him in the sink he is perfectly calm as long as we keep warm water flowing over him with the hand spout. He also likes to take baths with Mama.
• His coloring is still a mystery. Right now all we know is he is definitely NOT a redhead. But his hair could go either blond or brown and his eyes look like they may go brown, but its still too early to tell. They are just very dark blue/gray still.
• He is a very noisy sleeper. He often grunts or snores or sighs, etc.
  
• So far his nicknames are Ash Man, Gunter (because it sounds like grunter and he grunts a lot), and then all sorts of animals depending on what he reminds us of that day--Monkey, Turtle, Bear, Piglet, Mouse
  

waxing philosphical on motherhood

I was sitting in my bed cuddling my precious boy the other day and thinking about how much I love him. One often hears from parents about the all encompassing love they feel for their children and how it is like no other love one feels. This is true. But I was thinking about why that is. I think the difference between the love we feel for a child and the love we feel for everyone else is a matter of choice. I choose to love my husband. I choose to love my step-children. I choose to love my friends. Even the love I feel for my other family members is more one of history and how well we know each other.

But the love I feel for my son is something else entirely. I have no choice but to love him. He is part of me, so if I love myself, I must love him. Except that it's even more than that because he is entirely dependent on me. He would not exist if I had not carried and birthed him. He would die if I did not feed him now. I feel that fiercely protective side of myself come out when I think of anything bad happening to him.

Because I am a step-mother I have already experienced much of what it means to be a parent with many of the highs and lows that accompany the role. But having Asher just doesn't compare. He is mine and will always be mine. I have always wanted to be a mother, and he has made me one. I truly cannot help but love him with all my heart.

bili blanket be gone

Finally!!! Today the doctor told us that we no longer have to use the bili blanket. Asher's bilirubin levels are still high and he is still yellow but he is at a point where we can take him off the blanket. It's gotten increasingly harder to have it on him anyway. Even the past couple nights he wouldn't sleep in it. We will go back to the doctor on Friday to check his levels again and make sure they aren't going back up, but I'm excited that he can finally where clothes everyday. He's going to grow out of his newborn stuff in like a week at the rate he's growing. Today he weighed in at 9 lbs 13 ounces! That is almost a pound since last week. He is a good eater.

This picture is from a few days ago. You can see the blue glow of the bili light under his blanket. He looks very tan in this photo! I love his arms. He often sleeps with them over his head.

baby halloween costumes

I got an email from Old Navy advertising their Halloween costumes for babies/toddlers. Oh my goodness, there are some cute ones! I think I may have to get this for Asher because he is definitely our little monkey. Just imagine how cute that would be on a 3 month old.

Here are few more of my favorites.

Penguin

Banana


Skunk
Check out more here.

ash man

still here

Hi, friends. I have been quite delinquent these past two weeks about posting. Jared keeps bugging me to post something, but I've been wanting to post photos and have just haven't gotten around to getting them from the camera to the computer and going through them. I promise to do that soon. Asher is so darn adorable. I don't want to deprive you of his cuteness. I have been checking all of your blogs on a semi-regular basis even though I rarely comment. It's just that I usually am feeding the babe during my online browsing and typing one-handed takes forever. Rest assured that I still love you.

Speaking of Asher... at three weeks old he continues to be a really good baby. He only gets fussy for no reason in the evenings and it's pretty easy to calm him down. He just likes being held. And seriously, who can blame him for that? He's been used to being curled up in my tummy so of course he wants to be held close. He also eats like a champ and is now about 9 pounds. Unfortunately, he is still yellow. And we still have that darn bili blanket. Jaundice is very prevalent in my family. My dad even has what's called Gilbert's Syndrome. He gets a little jaundiced when he is sick. My mom's dad has it too, so basically I'm doomed from both sides of my family. I and all my siblings were all jaundiced as babies too. They just make a bigger deal about it these days.

So life is good. My days are filled with lots of nursing, cuddling, and Olympics watching. I've been staying up way too late watching swimming and gymnastics the past two nights. Isn't Michael Phelps incredible?! I love the Olympics.

And now to change the subject... I just read this article on MSNBC called "Celebrity Mamas Fuel Post-baby Blues" It caught my eye for obvious reasons. Basically it talks about how celebrity moms get tons of attention for losing their baby weight super fast and that sets unrealistic expectations for real moms. I totally agree with that. The postpartum body is most certainly not the same. I wonder on a daily basis where my ab muscles have disappeared to and how long it will take the stretch marks to begin fading. But overall I feel fairly good about myself. I can still wear some of my pre-pregnancy clothes. There is something to be said for this being my first baby and being in my 20s. But I certainly will not be sporting a bikini any time soon (ever). I am not in any hurry to begin cutting calories. I need food to make food for my growing boy. I'm going to let my body do it's thing. It grew a healthy baby, got that baby out, and now is the sole means of sustenance for said baby. Isn't that amazing?! I think mothers should celebrate what their bodies are capable of instead of feeling bad about not looking the same as they did before their babies. What do you think? For those of you have had babies, what has your body image been like afterward? Do you feel pressure to get back in shape quickly? Do you pay attention to all the celebrity moms and compare yourself to them?

breaking dawn

The fourth book in Stephenie Meyer's Twilight series came out on Saturday. I finished it yesterday and let me just say that Stephenie Meyer outdid herself. It is so good and the perfect conclusion to the series. I loved every bit of it! It made all the time I spend breastfeeding speed by.

trying to capture the smile

Asher smiles quite a lot for a babe so young. A lot of these smiles are the dreamy, eyes-closed variety, but he does grin at us while he's awake too. They are just very hard to capture in photo form because they are quite unpredictable. I did manage to get some sorta smiles the other day while he was sleeping. You can kinda see his dimple in the blurry one. These really are just shadows of the big grins he is capable of.

And I have to share this one. How cute is that? Asher sure loves his daddy.

Unfortunately, our little man is still jaundiced and we are still stuck with the annoying bili blanket hoping to get his bilirubin levels down. They still weren't quite low enough on Friday to get rid of the blanket. Say a prayer that we'll hit the magic number on Monday morning. We really want to be free of that thing and want our Ash man to be in the clear.