Wednesday, August 29, 2007

i left my heart in salt lake city

We are back in North Carolina. Back in our cute, one-bedroom apartment with a view of the tennis court and pool. Back in our most comfortable king-sized bed. Back to our cable. Back to the freedom to walk around in the buff. And yet, something is missing. Three somethings. We left them in Salt Lake City with part of our hearts.

Jared says that being away from his children feels like being disemboweled. I never really got it before. And while perhaps I still can't really know what it feels like to be away from a child I created, I have missed them in the past 48 hours so much more than I imagined. It is so strange to go from being with them all day, every day to not seeing them at all. And is strange to be with Jared, my best friend and favorite person in the whole world, and still be lonely.

It is so quiet. Depressingly quiet.

As with most things in life, I suppose we'll get used to it again. And of course there are all the advantages of life without children. But those don't seem all that great right now.


  1. i know exactly what you mean. exactly.

    on the rare occasions when neil and i actually go out, i find myself thinking "abigail would love this!" or neil says "can't you just see abigail doing ____." generally, we end up coming home early because we can't think of anything too much more exciting than just laughing at our kids.

    but then again, having the freedom to walk around nekkid is always fun. enjoy that one while it lasts...we're having to phase it out these days.

  2. Katrina, that is so genuinely sweet. I'm amazed at what an attached super mom X3 you've become. Seriously, that is simply amazing that you miss them so much. I'm sure they're feeling the same hunger pangs that you are. The sadness isn't terrific, but your crazy deep love for them is.

  3. That is sad. It's interesting reading your blog, because it makes me think hard about what these things you're going through might feel like. To tell the truth, I don't think I can really imagine.
    I had to go through and 'catch-up' and you have some adorable pictures. I LOVE the one of the three kids together at the end of your Fare Thee Well post, and also totally ADORE the top picture of Grace asleep on the counter. SOOOOO funny!!!!!
    Oh, and great thoughts from that parenting book! I will try to remember (and implement) that today!