Wednesday, June 18, 2008

Reflections on being human... and married

This will be my last "guest post" for a while, since in just a few minutes I get to pick up my beloved from the hospital!! Though we have been separated before, for some reason this brief parting of only minutes and perhaps a mile has affected me achingly, amplified by the poignant circumstances. As I wrote to Katrina in an email, I feel like a "partial person". I do not feel whole.

So before she comes home, I want to write a few of my thoughts about being married. Hopefully those single will not take offense, but I need to express these feelings. One one hand, seeking relationships to complete yourself can be a lazy or immature postponement of self-actualization. I can function quite well as an individual. But on a very real and I feel spiritual and cosmic level, without our spouses, those closest of partners, companions, and friends, we ARE incomplete. (Parenthetically, I will say that I feel that ultimately, we are ALL connected and that when we awake from our mortal limitations, we will ache for all those with whom we are not linked. But in this life, our preview of that feeling comes from our relationships with our spouses.)

I have had the unfortunate experience of being apart from my children for months at a time. As an engaged father, this is profoundly painful for me. I call it "emotional disembowelment", having my heart on the outside. But being away from my children, though they are flesh of my flesh and walk around with my DNA, is nothing compared to being away from my wife, with whom I seek to be not only close but One, and who is consequently etched on my soul.

In Jewish Mysticism there is a beautiful myth of an "Adam" figure who is androgynous, a united combination of Adam and Eve, male and female. The idea is that in the creation male and female were split, and have thus been seeking their missing parts ever since. That is how I feel.

I am not going to get into the idea of "soul mates". I believe they exist but are the exception. All I know is that with Katrina, despite and perhaps because of all our differences, I have found a precious being with whom I am compatible on every level, and who makes me a better person.

And I have missed her this past day. Please forgive the fact I am hopelessly spoiled to be with her so much. I am just grateful that in a few minutes I will pick her up, and will once again

be Whole.

About two years ago on the silliness of a dating website, I wrote the following:

About my ideal relationship--I am not 100% sure this is possible, but it is what I aim for. My ideal relationship is to know another person and be known by them completely. It is saying, "Here I am, all of me--my hopes and dreams, my strengths and weaknesses, my joy and sorrow, my triumphs and failures. Here I am, naked and vulnerable, and I am yours." And then the other person says, "You are beautiful, and I accept all of you."

I am grateful beyond what I can express that in Katrina, I have found all this and more. Thank you, my Angel.


  1. Beautifully expressed, Jared. And quite profound. Love the idea of finding missing parts of ourselves in our spouses.