I have always fancied myself as being fairly independent. I think it comes with being an oldest child. I didn't have older siblings to show me the way, so I had to figure most things out for myself. I have never been the type to have a friend with me at all times. I enjoy being alone sometimes. I certainly was not the sort of girl who thought she always needed a boyfriend. I have always been pretty self-confident-- or at least faked it when I wasn't. During my dating years I was never a clingy girlfriend. While I certainly enjoyed spending time with boyfriends, I didn't have to be with them every minute. In fact, not spending every free minute with them insured that they wouldn't get on my nerves.
My dad is a surgeon. For a large chunk of my childhood he was in residency, aka he resided mostly at the hospital. When Dad was "on call" that meant we didn't see him for a few days. My poor mother was basically a single mom for those 5 years. And although it's not nearly as bad once a doctor is out of residency, my father still works a lot. It's just part of the job description. There are always lives to save, right?
So, I always thought that I would marry someone who worked a lot--a doctor or a lawyer or some such thing. Because that is what I knew. One of my ex-boyfriend's was a pilot-in-training and airline pilots are usually gone for a few days and then home for a few days. I totally thought I'd be able to handle to that. No biggie. I am independent, right? Sure it would be hard to have my husband gone, but that would just make the time together all the better. So I thought.
Well, then I met Jared and realized I could marry someone that wouldn't be gone all the time. The majority of Jared's work can be done from home. And even when he's a full-fledged professor, that will still be the case. What a revelation! And although we spent much of our courtship in different timezones, since we've been married we have had an inordinate amount of time together. It's ridiculous actually. But totally great. We just love being together. Duh! And even when I'm at work, we are on gmail chat since we both work on the computer all day. So we are almost always in communication. Like I said--ridiculous.
Well I'm sure you can see what I'm getting at. Jared has been away since Saturday morning and I'm going crazy. I hate this. This is the first time since last Christmas, which was before we were married, that we have spent a day apart. The fun parts of him being gone--like going shopping and watching dvd's he wouldn't want to-- I was done with by Saturday afternoon. For the past three days I have just been totally lonely. I hate going to bed by myself. I hate waking up by myself. I keep looking for him to hug or kiss, and then I remember he's not here. I have been super emotional too. This is probably mostly to blame on hormones (it's that time of month), but I have cried every night.
What is wrong with me? What happened to the independent girl I once was? My only explanation is that I fell in love. For real. And I got used to being close to my love. I joined my soul with his and now with him so far away, I feel like my soul is stretched thin. I miss him. My body misses him. I want him back.
Fortunately, tomorrow night he will be back. Hallelujah! I'm sure most of you are thinking I am a big baby. I know for a fact that a lot of you have spent much more time away from your husbands. How do you handle it? I'd like to know. Because even though his being away is for an excellent cause (spending time with the chil'ens), I absolutely HATE having him away. It sucks.
We will definitely be doing a lot of this tomorrow night: