Have you heard of "push presents"? Several weeks ago I read this article in the NY Times, "A Bundle of Joy Isn't Enough?", about the growing trend for new moms to receive gifts from their husbands after giving birth, usually in the form of jewelry.Quoting the article: That’s “push” as in, “I the mother, having been through the wringer and pushed out this blessed event, hereby claim my reward.” Or “push” as in, “I’ve delivered something special and now I’m pushing you, my husband/boyfriend, to follow suit.”
“It’s more and more an expectation of moms these days that they deserve something for bearing the burden for nine months, getting sick, ruining their body,” said Linda Murray, executive editor of BabyCenter.com. “The guilt really gets piled on.”
A recent survey of more than 30,000 respondents by BabyCenter.com found that 38 percent of new mothers received a gift from their mate in connection with their child. Among pregnant mothers, 55 percent wanted one. About 40 percent of both groups said the baby was ample reward.I remember first hearing about this idea years ago when Angie Harmon appeared on Oprah after the birth of one of her kids. She was a wearing a big fancy ring and said it was her present for giving birth. Her husband gave her a piece of jewelry for each kid. At the time I didn't think much about it other than, "That's nice." But now it seems that this trend is catching on and becoming an expectation for some new moms.
So while the idea of getting a gift for going through nine months of being inhabited by an alien and then getting that baby out seems justified, I also feel that this is becoming just another way for us to be materialistic. I mean, a baby is pretty great gift for all that work right? What do you think? Did you get a special gift, jewelry or otherwise, from your husband after having a baby? Do you think this sounds like a great idea or just another marketing ploy to get us buying even more stuff?
Do tell me what you think, and have a wonderful 3 day weekend!
*ring pictured from sundancecatalog.com
I totally think this is just another excuse to get something you've been wanting for a while. But at the same time I can see that it might make you feel a little more pretty to be wearing something new and sparkley after feeling not very cute for a few months.
ReplyDeleteHm. Well, gifts are always great. If there's ever a good reason to get one, this would be the time. I'm not a jewelry person, so I wouldn't really want jewelry. Maybe at the end of our flock a mother's ring? Then maybe not. I was hoping for SOMEthing. I got gorgeous roses. (Strangely, packed by a girl named "Gabriella"!!! What are the odds?!?!) That was enough for me.
ReplyDeleteNope, we didn't do this. Although he did take me out to buy new post-baby clothes after each of the girls was born, which quite frankly, I think I'd rather have anyway! I wanted to burn all my maternity clothes, I was so sick of them...
ReplyDeleteOh, Rachael, I think that is a fabulous idea! I'm pretty much always up for new clothes. I even bought new (non-maternity) jeans while in Utah because I just couldn't pass them up. Banana Republic originally $128 for $24!!!! I've been wearing them every chance I get because I know they aren't going to fit for much longer. Plus they will be good inspiration to get back in shape after the baby too! I'm just thankful for lower-rise jeans that go below my beginning to increase waist.
ReplyDeleteIf you really think about it, its not much different than a "mothers ring" - you know, a band with all the children's birthstones set in it. I personally think it's a good idea....
ReplyDeletei'm not really a fan. at least, not if the woman is expecting some kind of "gift." it cheapens the pregnancy and even the child, in my mind. like you're getting paid for the use of your womb. now, if a husband just wants to spoil his wife, that's fine. it's just the "i birthed this kid, i deserve a reward for my efforts" mentality that really chafes.
ReplyDeletei'm struggling to express my thoughts on this. hope i'm making sense.
We were students and too poor to even consider the trend. I did get a gift though--my husband was always present and when I was unable to breastfeed, he took his turns with night feedings. I was very ill after my first child's birth--he took care of both baby and me. There's nothing he could have given me that would have meant more or shown more love. The other mom's can have their jewelry--I'll take my husband's offerings over that every time.
ReplyDeleteI love the idea of getting a gift from your husband after each delivery, if of course it's his idea. Mine didn't get me anything, probably because it didn't occur to him. If he had he would've earned some husband points, but I don't get him something every time he does something amazing. He pretty much just gets a hug and an ego boost. Can't be a hypocrite!
ReplyDeleteI didn't even know this was a trend, but I received surprises from my husband after each baby came into our family; a gold ring, a trip to Hawaii, a new wardrobe. I was just excited to be going to the hospital to meet my little baby each time, but my husband was excited to give me something simply for the reason that he loves me. I didn't ask for those things, and I certainly didn't expect them. I don't think a gift cheapens the experience of having a baby; I guess what I'm trying to say is that it's all a matter of the heart's perspective. I know what my greatest gifts are:
ReplyDeleteI think Cornelia of Rome said it best when her friends asked why she was not wearing any jewels, "These are my jewels", she said, pointing to her sons.
I love the idea of push presents - I love the idea of the father of the child recognizing the mother of the child!! Have a good weekend - see you soon and thanks for the nice comment on my post today - you are very sweet and a good friend. Kellan
ReplyDeleteThis is couch sledding:
ReplyDeletehttp://www.youtube.com/watch?v=aplFM3sA1_8
The whole jewelry thing makes me feel icky. Yuck. Like this whole idea is just being pushed by the jewelry association or something...
ReplyDeleteThere are lots of different opinions on this! Since my situation was different then most, getting our son was the best gift I could have asked for. I "labored" for our son in a much different way and all along the way my husband gave me little surprises that helped to make my journey seem a little easier (that doesn't seem like the right word, but you get my point.) Although he didn't do it for that reason, just because he loved me. So if a husband wants to give his wife a gift I say great! Whatever works for their relationship. I can see the point that maybe the gift signifies the journey you've been through to get to point you are now, and that journey is different for everyone. Because maybe it's a really long, bumpy journey but something you really treasure.
ReplyDeleteNow I do really want a necklace like Heidi Klum's that she showed on Oprah. (the long one with the little round medallions, one with each of their names on it) I don't expect Mark to get it for me...I'd get it for myself if only they sold them! (heidi and seal had it custom made!! Darn)
hmm...interesting. I am so behind on reading your blog. Moving...no internet. I guess I wouldn't mind if my husband gave me a gift after having a baby, but I don't expect one. It's kind of a nice memento to pass on to your child maybe?
ReplyDeleteI just love everyone's thoughts on this. I especially love how Kate described laboring for CHarlie -- so beautifully put. I'm all about a gift if it's my husband's idea (he didn't have that idea with #1, so I don't expect it with the rest...)
ReplyDeletebut I think the best gift a man can give his wife is to be a good father and a kind husband...and Nate certainly does that, so I'm not wasting a lot of tears over the fact that there wasn't a piece of jewelry offered at the birth.
also loved what danielle said about a gift being a neat momento to pass on to the child, I hadn't thought of that, but I think that really adds to the sentimentality and makes it sweeter. great topic, Trina.
Great comments, everyone. I think I have reached the conclusion that many of you have. I would not ever want a gift to be an expectation. If my husband really wanted to give me something, that's great. But I certainly will not be "pushing" for one. Jared said something similar to Emily, the best gift a husband can give is to be supportive and helpful and do all he can to be a loving husband and father.
ReplyDelete