upstream

Yellowstone, August 2009

I say it is time

That every woman

Invite herself upstream

Where the air is sharp

And the water is clean

From Carol Lynn Pearson's "And Obey"

love

danielle with child

Last week, while visiting my friend Danielle, I talked her into letting me take some belly shots. Danielle could birth her little guy any day now, so I'm glad we were able to take these, despite the less than ideal light. (It was very rainy and dark that day.) You can see more images on my photography blog.

 Danielle is one of those friends who I feel totally myself with. I think it's actually quite rare to find those friends. I never feel judged by her. I know that my house doesn't need to be totally clean when she comes over. We mother in a similar way so she doesn't think I'm weirdo. But even in the things we do differently, there is just acceptance and understanding.

I was telling her all this when I was over there, and she said she thinks its because we chose to be friends as adults. We aren't friends because we grew up together, or happened to be roommates in college, or live in the same neighborhood. (Not that I don't love all those friends too!) We choose to be friends because we really like each other! I just wish we really were neighbors so we could see each other more! Love you, Danielle!

today at lunch

I had to refrain myself from eating these cheeks...

The closed mouth smile+cheeks+dimples gets me every time.

Who could resist?

The giggles don't help the cause either.

Nor do the huge blue eyes.

I just know she's concocting other ways to get us all wrapped around her little finger.

(As if she needs any help with that!)

Finding My Inner Feminist, Part 3

Part 1

Part 2

Kasie and Nikolai by Kate Hansen

Feminist and Mother

It could be seen as ironic that that role which is seen as most traditional--mother--is a large part of what has awakened the feminist within me. It isn’t just my religion that has caused me to ponder my role as Woman.

Becoming a mother has changed me more than anything. It is the most profound and transcendent experience of my life. Creating a human being and birthing that human being and feeding that human being from my own body--if that isn’t divine, then I don’t know what is. It is truly filling the measure of my creation.

My passion for birth and breastfeeding has given me a whole new perspective on women’s issues. It is every woman’s right to birth how, where, and with whom she chooses. It is every woman’s (and baby’s) right to breastfeed where and when she chooses. Unfortunately, not all women get this right. And many don’t even realize they should demand it.

Feminists have long fought for a woman’s right to choose. Well, if we have the right to choose whether or not we carry a baby, we sure as hell better have the right to choose how we birth our babies. We most certainly should be able to feed our babies when and how we please.

Women have been conditioned to hand over their power and their bodies to doctors/midwives/nurses during labor and birth. We often passively lie there as we are told what to do and how we will have our baby. We allow medical personnel to touch us in ways that could be considered assault. In fact, some women even experience Post Traumatic Stress Disorder after giving birth because of the way they were treated.  This kind of treatment of women who are in a very vulnerable position is abhorrent. We must demand better.

These rights regarding birth and breastfeeding are issues that all feminists should care about, all women should care about. These issues are at the heart of womanhood. Whether a woman chooses to have children or not, she should still care how other women are treated and the choices they are given when birthing and feeding their children.

As anyone who knows me or who reads this blog knows, I feel very passionate about these issues. I hope more and more women, feminist or not, stand up together and claim these rights.

Finding My Inner Feminist, Part 2

Read Part 1 Here

 

"Queen of Heaven" by Gustave Dore

Feminist and Mormon

My journey towards accepting the label “feminist” kicked into high gear when I read Carol Lynn Pearson’s “Mother Wove the Morning”. It is a one woman play she wrote in which she performs 16 women throughout history in search of the female face of God. I was so very moved by this play. It is not hyperbole when I say that it has changed my life. I highly recommend reading it if you can get a copy and at least read the introduction here.  Having my eyes opened to how we live in a “Motherless house” as Pearson says catapulted me on this quest for understanding about women in my Church and society in general.

I also discovered Mormon Stories which has made me much more aware of the history and issues regarding women in the Church. My husband and I have loved listening to these podcasts. There are many topics covered and we’ve had some wonderful discussions about them all.

I’m not the only Mormon woman discovering her feminist identity these days. There has been a resurgence of late among Mormon women who self-identify as feminists. Thanks in large part to the wonder of the internet, Mormon women are connecting and discussing women’s issues in ways they couldn’t easily do before. As I’ve discovered this online community, I feel my soul expanding and my mind stretching in new ways. I feel a wonderful sense of sisterhood with my fellow Saints. I feel like I am looking at the world through new eyes.

Just last week, Patheos.com hosted an online symposium on Mormon Feminism which I linked to in a previous post. Kathryn Soper wrote an articulate and thoughtful article on the convergence of Mormonsim and Feminism. She expressed so well much of what I feel on this topic. I could quote so much of it, but you should just go read it. Really. And if you have time read the responses. They are great too.

Other great online resources in this Mormon Feminist movement are the Exponent II, WAVE, and Feminist Mormon Housewives. And while we are speaking about Mormon women, I just have to mention again the Mormon Women Project which showcases Mormon women from a vast array of background and circumstances. It is not a “feminist” project per se, but it shows the diversity among Mormon women and is an amazing example of what women are doing with their talents. I also love Segullah, a literary journal and blog written by women that explores all the facets of life as an LDS woman. I’ve been reading it for years. Kathryn Soper just happens to be founder and editor.

Being a Mormon Feminist can be challenging because aspects of Mormon doctrine, culture, and practice can be at odds with feminist ideals. And yet we are the only Christian denomination that teaches we have a Heavenly Mother. Knowing she exists is an amazing comfort. As I’ve been pondering about her more and more lately, I have felt both joy and sadness. Joy as I’ve felt the Spirit manifest to me that I have a Mother who loves me and whom I can strive to be like. But extreme sadness that we ignore her. We don’t speak of her. We don’t pray to her. How sad it must be for her that her children have mostly forgotten her.

I want to remember. 

Tomorrow-- Part 3, Feminist and Mother

Finding My Inner Feminist, Part 1

 

Accepting the Label

I’ve realized rather recently that I am a feminist.

Growing up Mormon in a mostly conservative midwestern town, I always had a rather negative association with feminism. I thought it meant wanting men and women to be not just equal, but the SAME. And this was just NOT acceptable to me. Men and women aren’t the same, and I frankly don’t want to be a man. Plus, we Mormons hold tight to the notion that men and women have very distinct roles to fulfill.

Through my adolescence I was taught by my parents that I could do whatever I want to do if I worked hard. I was encouraged to develop talents and excel in school. I received a scholarship to the university of my choice and pursued a major that would lead to a career. BUT I also really wanted to get married and have a family more than anything else. I always felt that being a wife and mother would bring me the most fulfillment and happiness. I knew I COULD do both a career and motherhood if I wanted, but I also didn’t really WANT to do that. I wanted to be home with my children.

As it turned out, I did graduate and got a job in my field. Then I met the man who would be my husband and got married and we started a family. I stopped working and am now very focused on being a mother. Which is exactly how I want it.

And this brings me back to feminism.... I am doing what I WANT to do. I have a CHOICE. I am choosing to make motherhood my main focus right now. But I am also really blessed to have the opportunity to develop my talents and bring in a bit of income through photography which I LOVE. Again, this is a choice I make.

I think women of my generation have taken this ability to choose for granted now. For most of history women didn’t get to make that choice. They had so few options to support themselves. They were almost always reliant on the men in their lives to provide for them--father, husband, brother, son. And so while I don’t agree with every aspect of the feminist movements, I most certainly am grateful for all the women (and men) who have stood against the status quo, who have challenged the patriarchy, and demanded women have equal rights. Every woman should thank our foremothers who fought in this fight.

To me feminism is not a dirty word. It means believing that women truly deserve equal rights in our society and are considered equal creations in the eyes of God. It means doing what I can in any small way to promote that idea. It means being strong and capable and WOMANLY. Because I am proud to be a woman. I love being a woman. I know I am capable and intelligent and divine. And I want every woman to believe that about herself too.

As it turns out, I’ve been a feminist all along. It’s just taken me awhile to claim the label.

Tomorrow-- Part 2, Feminist and Mormon

thanksgiving highlights

This year we spent Thanksgiving up in Park City. My parents came up from New Mexico and rented a condo for us all to stay in. It was really nice! Because the ski resorts in PC weren't open yet last week, we got the condo really cheap. It had 5 levels, 2 master suites, 2 other bedrooms, a sauna, a hot tub, pool table, two living rooms, etc. My favorite part was the big jetted tub. I took like three baths in three days. My dream home will have a large tub in it.

Anyway, my parents, siblings, and all 7 of us stayed at the condo for three days. Then all my moms family came up for Thanksgiving dinner. We had somewhere like 35-40 people there. Good times. Here are some photos from the weekend.

mormon feminism: a patheos symposium

I've been reading this today and its giving me lots to think about. If I ever get the chance to really sit down and write one of these days, I may write up some of my thoughts on this subject. How's that for a teaser? It really is a subject I've been thinking a lot about lately. You should totally check out what all these smart ladies have to say on the topic of being both a Mormon and a Feminist. GOOD stuff!

Mormon Feminism: A Patheos Symposium

simplifying christmas

Asher dressed as a shepherd last year at my parents house.

I really want to keep Christmas simple this year. It is so easy to get caught up in all the materialism, and with 5 (!) kids now to buy for on a limited budget, we decided to set clear parameters to keep things under control. I saw an idea on Design Mom to give just three gifts and decided to add one more. So here is our version...

1. Something to wear (one new outfit each)

2. Something to read (either one book or one set of books each, not sure yet)

3. Something to play with (one toy, probably something fairly substantial that they really want)

4. Something to create with (art supplies, which may end up being several small items)

What I like about this idea is that it not only keeps me disciplined in my buying, but it helps the kids prioritize. Plus, it keeps less junk out of our house! I'm really excited not to get bogged down with silly little presents that they don't end up even playing with much. My hope is that they will really appreciate what they do get, and we can all remember what Christmas is actually about--Christ.

How are you keeping your kids focused on the real meaning of Christmas this year?

Also... we are going out of town for Christmas. Should we get a tree? If we had a fake one I'd put it up but getting a live tree seems like a lot of work when we won't be here Christmas day. Thoughts?