he's a dad

This is a post I started on Father's Day and never finished due to a hospital visit, bed rest, family coming, etc. It is for Jared.

I married a father. A father of three even. I'm wild and crazy like that.
But look how cute he is. How could I resist?
The kids are pretty cute too.

I love them.
Even though they drive me crazy sometimes.

Jared is a really great father.
I knew that before I married him. Not many women can say that.
Because he's been a student (he was a wee undergrad when Olivia and Isaac were born and PhDs take a long time) the entire time he's been a dad, he's always had a flexible schedule. This has allowed him to spend a lot of time with his kids.

He has really special relationships with each of his children.

Olivia and he are probably the most alike. They are both too smart for their own good sometimes but can also be totally clueless in other areas. They both think outside the box. They both know how to get what they want.


Isaac is a little blond version of Jared. He looks so much like his dad. Isaac is Jared's "Buddy". They both love all things super hero. Isaac loves helping his dad do guy things like taking out the trash and hooking up the dryer. And was really excited to pick out these socks for Jared's birthday last year. :-)


And there is Grace. Jared has a special little place in his heart for funny Grace. She is full of spunk and personality. Plus, she's been the baby for nearly 5 years now. The youngest always gets a little spoiled. ;-)

These three kids adore their dad. The past couple years have been hard since they moved to Utah. But Jared has made seeing them as much as he can a priority. At Halloween, he was in Utah and even made their costumes.

Soon, Jared will be a father for the fourth time. (wo!) I can't wait to see him with our son. Jared adores babies, and I know my love for him will grow even more once I see him with the little life we created together. He is already a great dad to our little Asher. He has taken such good care of me during this pregnancy. The past 5 weeks have been hard--I've been in the hospital twice, been on bed rest, we moved, Jared had to finish revisions on his thesis, the kids came, he started teaching, plus his RA work and a hundred other things that are part of life like paying bills and cooking meals, all while dealing with an emotional pregnant invalid for a wife. It's been really stressful for him, but he's done it. I am so very grateful for him. I don't have the words to express my gratitude.

I married a wonderful man and an extraordinary father. I feel so blessed that he is the father of my little baby. I feel like the luckiest girl in the world that I get him as my eternal husband and that my children get him as their dad.


Happy Father's Day, Jared!

Sorry it took so long to get this posted!

diaper contest

One more contest to check out for any cloth diaper fans:
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Man would I love to win this one!

35 weeks

How your baby's growing: Your baby doesn't have much room to maneuver now that he's over 18 inches long and tips the scales at 5 1/4 pounds (pick up a honeydew melon). Because it's so snug in your womb, he isn't likely to be doing somersaults anymore, but the number of times he kicks should remain about the same. His kidneys are fully developed now, and his liver can process some waste products. Most of his basic physical development is now complete — he'll spend the next few weeks putting on weight.

I am so relieved to have made it to 35 weeks! I feel like I don't really need to worry anymore and can get back to more or less normal. I won't be doing anything crazy, but I feel like at this point I can do what I want around the house and take trips to the store again. In another week, I'm going to start exercising again and doing whatever I want.

I'm pretty sure Asher dropped lower yesterday. There is quite a marked difference in how I looked last week and how I look this week. (See photos) I'm definitely poking out more. And I also got my first pregnancy stretch marks this week. Thursday I woke up with a couple on my hip and this morning there a few on my lower abdomen. I feel initiated now. :-)

Belly close up at 34 weeks and belly close up at 35 weeks--
Quite the difference a week can make! (And I actually have a little tan from the beach!)

back from the beach

I am back from the beach and still pregnant. The plan was to come back this morning, but I had a few strongish contractions last night so Jared and I drove home last night to be on the safe side. Things calmed down about an hour into the drive and we just came home and went to bed. I feel much better being home and so close to the hospital again. But I am also SO glad that I was able to go to the beach and spend time with my family. It worked out really nicely. It was very relaxing. I love my family so much and am really grateful that my parents are so generous. The rest of the family should be on their way back here from the beach fairly soon and then they all fly home tonight. I will miss them. I promise to post photos from our trip next week.

what i've been up to

Sorry I haven't posted in awhile. It has been brought to my attention by more than one kind soul that I've neglected my blog for too long. But I do have good reason: my family is here! Sunday, despite orders to be on bed rest, I went with them to the beach. I figure I can lay around there just as easily as I can lay around here. My dad drove me back home yesterday for my doctor's appointment. If I'm still feeling well tomorrow then me, my dad, and Jared (who has been teaching this week and so stayed home) will drive back to the beach until Saturday morning. For any concerned parties out there, it's actually been very relaxing to have my family take care of everything and to lounge about the beach or pool. In fact, I think I had fewer contractions than normal while there. I will be sure to post some fun pictures next week.

Today my dad has been helping get things more organized around here and is right now on his way to Home Depot and Target to pick up a few things. I love dads!

As for the update on my rebellious tenant.... He has definitely grown recently. I even gained 5 pounds in just two weeks! I am still around 3 or so cm dilated and now about 80% effaced with Asher as -2 station. He's in a great position for birth, so when the time comes I shouldn't have any issues there. He is still very active and doing well.

Because he is a boy, and preemie boys tend to have a harder time, my doctor would still like to see me go at least a couple more weeks. But even if he came now, there is a very good chance he wouldn't have an extended hospital stay, especially since I had the steroids last month to help his lungs mature. My OB was actually on call last night, and we joked about just having the baby then, but I'm happy to keep him in there a couple weeks longer. My goal since this all started has been 36 weeks; that is now just 11 days away.

34 weeks

How your baby's growing: Your baby now weighs about 4 3/4 pounds (like your average cantaloupe) and is almost 18 inches long. His fat layers — which will help regulate his body temperature once he's born — are filling him out, making him rounder. His skin is also smoother than ever. His central nervous system is maturing and his lungs are continuing to mature as well. If you've been nervous about preterm labor, you'll be happy to know that babies born between 34 and 37 weeks who have no other health problems generally do fine. They may need a short stay in the neonatal nursery and may have a few short-term health issues, but in the long run, they usually do as well as full-term babies.

I am very happy to have made it to 34 weeks! This is a big benchmark week, as most babies don't have many issues if they are born at this point. Each week means so much more now... on to 35!

baby shower

My wonderful friend Molly threw me a baby shower last night. Because of the bed rest situation we had to move it from her house to the lobby here at my apartment building, so all I had to do was walk down the hall and take the elevator up a couple floors. It was lovely to have a reason to get dressed and put on makeup, and even more lovely to get to chat with friends.

Here is the amazing Miss Molly, who, although you can't tell, is pregnant with her third baby and due in November.

There was delicious food, including this yummy and appropriate cake created by Molly:

And of course there were presents.
Here I am snuggling this little lamby, which is SO soft! I think Asher will love it.

Thank you, everyone, for all the wonderful gifts!

For those interested in a quick update: When I left the hospital, they checked me again and I was still dilated to a 3 or 4. My orders this time around are to be on pretty strict bed rest until I'm 35 weeks, which I will be on June 29. At that point, if he comes he'd most likely get to go home with me from the hospital. Our goal is to avoid a long NICU stay. When I do go into labor again, chances are it could go pretty quickly. I even lost my mucus plug on Tuesday. But for now, Asher is doing great. He's still moving around lots and he's growing. I gained two pounds in the last week. I see my doctor again on Tuesday and we'll see how things look then. For now, I'm just really looking forward to my family coming tomorrow!

Reflections on being human... and married

This will be my last "guest post" for a while, since in just a few minutes I get to pick up my beloved from the hospital!! Though we have been separated before, for some reason this brief parting of only minutes and perhaps a mile has affected me achingly, amplified by the poignant circumstances. As I wrote to Katrina in an email, I feel like a "partial person". I do not feel whole.

So before she comes home, I want to write a few of my thoughts about being married. Hopefully those single will not take offense, but I need to express these feelings. One one hand, seeking relationships to complete yourself can be a lazy or immature postponement of self-actualization. I can function quite well as an individual. But on a very real and I feel spiritual and cosmic level, without our spouses, those closest of partners, companions, and friends, we ARE incomplete. (Parenthetically, I will say that I feel that ultimately, we are ALL connected and that when we awake from our mortal limitations, we will ache for all those with whom we are not linked. But in this life, our preview of that feeling comes from our relationships with our spouses.)

I have had the unfortunate experience of being apart from my children for months at a time. As an engaged father, this is profoundly painful for me. I call it "emotional disembowelment", having my heart on the outside. But being away from my children, though they are flesh of my flesh and walk around with my DNA, is nothing compared to being away from my wife, with whom I seek to be not only close but One, and who is consequently etched on my soul.

In Jewish Mysticism there is a beautiful myth of an "Adam" figure who is androgynous, a united combination of Adam and Eve, male and female. The idea is that in the creation male and female were split, and have thus been seeking their missing parts ever since. That is how I feel.

I am not going to get into the idea of "soul mates". I believe they exist but are the exception. All I know is that with Katrina, despite and perhaps because of all our differences, I have found a precious being with whom I am compatible on every level, and who makes me a better person.

And I have missed her this past day. Please forgive the fact I am hopelessly spoiled to be with her so much. I am just grateful that in a few minutes I will pick her up, and will once again

be Whole.

About two years ago on the silliness of a dating website, I wrote the following:

About my ideal relationship--I am not 100% sure this is possible, but it is what I aim for. My ideal relationship is to know another person and be known by them completely. It is saying, "Here I am, all of me--my hopes and dreams, my strengths and weaknesses, my joy and sorrow, my triumphs and failures. Here I am, naked and vulnerable, and I am yours." And then the other person says, "You are beautiful, and I accept all of you."

I am grateful beyond what I can express that in Katrina, I have found all this and more. Thank you, my Angel.

greetings from the hospital

Hi Friends,

Laptops and wireless internet are seriously great. I am typing this from my hospital bed. If you are checking here for the first time in the past couple days, you can scroll down to get the play by play on our latest prenatal drama. Basically, I started having contractions last night about every 10-15 minutes. When this kept up for a couple hours we decided we better head to the hospital.

Fortunately, it was bedtime and our neighbor (who we share a wall with) was able to just come over and check on the kids. Jared was able to stay with me and then went back home in the morning before the kids woke up. We also happen to live VERY close to the hospital.

So by the time we got here and they hooked me up to the monitor my contractions were quite strong and about 2 minutes apart! Not crazy painful or anything, but definitely doing something as I'm now 3-4 cm dilated. As Jared said, they started me on magnesium to stop the contractions. I was hooked up to that until about 10 this morning. It did it's job. My contractions are back to "normal"--1 or 2 every hour.

I'm really glad that I get to go home tomorrow. Thankfully, Asher isn't as low in my pelvis so it doesn't look like labor is going to be imminent. But if labor does start again, they won't try to stop it at this point. We'll just have to see what happens.

I really didn't think we'd be back to the hospital until the baby was born. I'd been having fewer contractions and feeling really good, but apparently this little guy is quite anxious to make his appearance. My family is actually coming on Saturday and we are supposed to go to the beach all next week. It doesn't look like I'll be doing that now. But the beach they are going to is only a couple hours away so they'll definitely be taking the kids there.

I'm going to eat some ice cream now, but we'll be sure to keep the blog updated with any news. Thanks for the prayers!