my answer

First, I want to say I have really enjoyed reading everyone's answers to the question I posted yesterday. And I'd definitely love to hear more from those who haven't answered. (hint, hint) I love discussions! And I love hearing about all those wonderful people out there in your lives!

I think this can be a really difficult question to answer because it's so easy to see how everything good about those we love benefits us in some way. So I guess it's more about appreciating the ways we are different from each other, because it's really easy to love those things/people that are like us and harder to love and appreciate what is different unless it obviously affects us in a positive way.

If you scroll down, you will see that my darling husband posted his answer to my question. (In his first ever blog post!) And now I will try to do the same.

Jared and I do have a lot of things in common-- we love to read and eat and talk and watch movies. We share similar values and appreciate the arts. Our love languages are both words and touch. All of these things and more bind us together. I love Jared for all the ways we are alike. And of course for all things he does for me. And the fact that he's hot. And tall. And has great abs. You catch my drift. I also love him for the ways he is different and have nothing to do with me or my physical desires.

So here goes: I love the way he thinks deeply. He looks at life in a very unique way. I don't think he ever just sees the surface level. He's always looking for more. And he questions everything. I love that he doesn't take things at face value.

I love that he is a survivor. Jared has experienced more craziness and drama and tragedy in his 30 years of life than many people do in 80. And he's survived. He's learned more than one lesson the hard way, but he finds the good from it. As he says, he has a very long empathy checklist. Most of what he's experienced I can barely imagine.

I love Jared's innocence. For a man so brilliant and mature in many ways, he can also be so childlike. I love his excitement for simple pleasures. I love the way he savors his food, instead of gulping it down like I tend to do. I love how much he uses his senses and truly enjoys smells and tastes and beauty and touch.

I love Jared's optimism. For someone like him, who studies what he does and thinks the way he does and has experienced all he has, I love that he is still optimistic about the good in the world.

I love my husband very much. For these and many more reasons, lots of them selfish. But it feels good to think about the selfless reasons too. I truly am blessed to be married to this man.

Why I love my Wife (and why I am glad she isn't my clone)

This is Jared, obviously, but I am going to take advantage of the fact that Katrina and I share the same computer and respond to her question with a post, rather than with a comment.

Katrina's question really challenged me on Sunday and caused me to search my heart. I don't doubt the fact that I love her and appreciate her, fervently, intensely. But what do I love in her beyond her love for me or the things we share in common?

I think that the question of what we love that doesn't benefit us is virtually impossible, since every quality and virtue benefits those around us--that is why we seek to be good people! But Katrina's provoking question remains answerable because she didn't ask what we love even though it doesn't benefit us, she asked what we love that isn't attached to ourselves. In other words, we love others because they are like us--we love the "us" in them. We share common values, likes, experiences, and so forth. All this makes sense and is necessary, but loving others for how they are different than us takes a certain level of maturity and spiritual evolution.

So, here goes, and I hope my answer measures up.

The number one reason I love Katrina fails miserably in the "doesn't benefit me" category, and I hope that it isn't too different from me either. I love the way Katrina LOVES, which obviously benefits me. But it is also different than me, too. Katrina's greatest gift is the way she loves people, and I admire her for her encompassing, gentle, consistent love for others. I have joked that the person I end up with has to be amazing because I am so much to take on, and Katrina has excelled in this area. She loves me as I have never been loved before, and my admiration for her overflowed when I saw how she took on taking care of my three children. We are different in many ways, and Katrina loves me for what I am, even in areas she does not share. I have never been loved the way she loves me. I try to learn from her in this area. This is Katrina's greatest gift, which works out nicely because it just so happens it is also the most important trait in all of eternity to acquire. Someone could have every talent and gift and beauty, but without love, it is all worthless. Katrina's genius is in relationships, and next to that genius, nothing else matters. She has allowed her love for me and the accompanying commitment to join my life to change her, and I admire her for it.

I obviously love all the things we share--I love Katrina's passion for food, for good discussions and movies and snuggles. I love how affectionate she is. I love how intelligent and expressive she is (we both were able to make lists of over 100 things we love about each other when we were dating). I love how much she enjoys learning and art and culture. I love how she expresses her artistic abilities and creativity. I am absolutely smitten with her voice, both reading and singing.

So, now to the hard part, differences that I love. Katrina and I harness different emotional complexions. I am intense, passionate, vivid almost to the point of imbalance. Katrina is balanced, consistent, and stark raving sane. I love her for that. I love her healthiness. I love the way she entered my crazy life with open eyes, heart, and soul. These differences complement me. I also love and admire her deep and genuine interest in people, which goes far beyond my native self-centeredness.

And though it isn't the most important thing, I love Katrina's sense of style. I think this counts especially well because though I appreciate it (and do so more because of being with my fashionista wife), it is not something I naturally do. I love how I can actually appreciate "What Not to Wear" because of her. I love how she can make both of us beautiful (and her makeover of me into the "hot professor").

So, that is a bit long, but I hope it answered your question in part, my precious wife. I have never been so happy, and love you more. This answer seems somewhat inadequate; I am grateful I have forever to complete my response.

selfless love

I have several blog posts that are itching to get out of my brain and into the blogosphere, but they will have to wait. Stay tuned. For today, I want to throw out some food for thought. This afternoon, Jared and I have been discussing love. Specifically, love between spouses. And I posed this question to him which I now pose to you: What do you love about your spouse (or anyone very close to you) that is separate from yourself?

There are many reasons why we love people, and I honestly do think that a large portion of these is because it benefits us in some way. The root is in someway selfish. But if you take away all those things, if you remove yourself from the equation, if you look at your best friend as just a person and not your husband/wife, or the father/mother of your children, or the person who cleans your house, or provides for your sustenance, or cooks you delicious meals, etc... what do you see? What do you love? What is it about this person, about who they are in their core, that you love?

That is what we are thinking about today at our house. I'd love to hear your thoughts on the subject and your answer to the question. It can apply to more than just a spouse--your parents, your siblings, your best friend... I'm interested to know what you all love about the people closest to you.

today

This morning we went here:

Then it was off to Costco, where we ate yummy pizza and frozen yogurt for lunch and then hit the aisles with our cart to stock up.

Along with sundry food items, I also got these:

I have been wanting new makeup brushes forever. I ordered some this summer from e.l.f but they ended up being out of stock, so I was super excited to see this delux kit, with case and cleaner for $21.99! I love Costco! Aren't they pretty?

I now have a fully stocked fridge and freezer with such delectables as frozen fruit for smoothies, salmon, sashimi grade tuna steaks, and a huge bag of spinach.

But for dinner tonight we are having this:

Whilst watching this:


In our skivvies. Because we can.

Happy weekend, everyone!

six months

On March 10th, Jared and I became husband and wife. These six months have been filled with a lot of love, tons of fun, millions of kisses, some tears, a few adventures, hundreds of delicious meals, dozens of movies, at least seven plane rides, hours in the car, many snuggles, and laughter every day. We've also taken hundreds of pictures, including ones of ourselves. I think we've gotten quite good at it. So today I give you Jared and Katrina: Six Months in Self-portraits (except one). One of these pictures is not a self-portrait. Can you tell me which it is?

MARCH

St. Petersburg, Florida

APRIL

Carrboro, North Carolina


MAY

Durham, North Carolina

JUNE

Black Hills, South Dakota


JULY

Provo, Utah

AUGUST

White Rock, New Mexico


TODAY!

Home

happy 25th, emily!!!

A little over 20 years ago, I met Emily Anne. We were both four years old, the oldest children to recent University of Utah Medical School graduates, and about to move from Utah to Cleveland, Ohio where our doctor dads would do their residency. I actually don't remember our first meeting. My first memory of Emily is riding our big wheels around my driveway as our families' shared moving van was unpacked. For the next five years, Em and I were the best of friends.

(Unfortunately, this is the only picture I have here of a little Emily. Sorry it's not clearer.)

She was a grade ahead of me in school, and I looked up to her as one a little older and wiser. Emily was even the one who told me where babies came from-- in kindergarten! We walked to school together and played after school. We had sleepovers, or attempted to anyway. If Em came to my house, she was never there when I woke up. She could never last the night away from home, and I always woke up crying because she wasn't there anymore. I think we eventually gave up, and I just always slept over at her house.

Our families spent nearly every holiday together. This picture, judging from the ages of us and our siblings, was our last Christmas Eve in Cleveland in 1991.


In the summer of 1992, my family moved from Cleveland to Zanesville, Ohio, three hours away. Em and I were 9 years old. Her family would move to Oregon two years later, but even though we lived far apart, we always kept in touch. Over the years we saw each other only a few times. One of those times was when we went to EFY together at Ricks College. Check out these awesome pics:


Eventually, Em and I both went to BYU. We never lived together, but we still saw each other. Em is the one who introduced me to the deliciousness of Magleby's Fresh french toast. Yum! Even if we hadn't talked in months, each time we did, it was as if nothing had changed.

I wasn't at all surprised when Em got married at age 20. She was always "boy crazy". ;-) And she was always mature. I was so happy for her that she ended up with Nate. They are so great together. And totally hot!

I remember Em telling me before she was married how much she loved the name Henry. I thought she was kinda crazy, but a couple years later she really did name her adorable boy Henry. And you know what? I like it.


Now Emily lives in Texas and has made quite the name for herself as a blogger. Her writing is fresh and honest and funny and sweet. She captures moments so beautifully with words. I wish I had her talent so I could properly pay tribute to her in this post. I remember how fun her emails always were back in high school. Even then, she was a great writer. And in college she would write me the sweetest "love note" emails full of encouragement and love.

I wish I had more recent pictures of the two of us, but it's been a long time since we've seen each other. I'm so grateful for these blogs that keep us connected. Emily is beautiful and talented and has grown up into such an amazing person, wife, and mother. I'm jealous of all those in Texas who get to hang out with her. Em and I will probably never live near each other again, but I know we will always be friends. It's so rare to find a friend at 4 years old who you know you will never lose. I'm so glad our dads both decided to go to Cleveland. And that our families are still friends. In fact, Em's parents recently visited mine in New Mexico. Mostly, I am grateful to call this amazing, talented, gorgeous, hard-working, kind, thoughtful, [insert other wonderful adjectives here] woman my friend.

I love you, Emily! Happy 25th Birthday!

parts of me

Clouds Rest, Wishful Thinking, Messengers of Hope by Katharina Short

I was checking out my "friends" on facebook who have recently updated their profiles and looked at some pictures of a girl who was in the Broadcast Journalism program with me at BYU. I didn't know her well because she was a year or so behind me in the program, but being the wonder that facebook is, I am able to keep tabs on her life, and I know that she recently got married. This is her second marriage, and she has a little girl (I think she's about 6) from the first. One of her pictures showed her, her husband, and her daughter. As I looked at this picture, I thought about how strange being a "step" is. How unusual it is for those in my age range, and the Mormon culture especially, to be in this situation. And I had a little insight as to how strange my life must look. My friend's husband became a step-parent to one child. I am a step-parent to three! What the hell am I doing?!

As we've made this transition to being just the two of us again, the strangeness of our situation has seemed more acute to me. During the summer, I was "Mummy" and did all the things any mom does for her children. It became my life. And as we all got used to each other and our roles in the family, it became quite natural and normal. But in the back of mind, I knew the summer would end, and the feeling of "playing house" never quite left me.

So now here I am back in North Carolina, kidless once more and trying to sort out some complicated feelings. One would think that I'd be grateful to be without them and have time alone with Jared again. And part of me is grateful for that. I am grateful for this time to be "newlyweds" again. To be able to go wherever we want, whenever we want, and do whatever we want, whenever we want. Another part of me misses the kids for the kids' sake. I miss talking to them and playing with them and hearing their stories and getting hugs and kisses.

And there is this part of me that misses simplicity. For some reason, being away from the children, makes me feel the complications of this situation much more. When I'm with them all the time, it seems simpler. I am a parent. But now that we are away, it's harder to feel that connection. I'm not parenting them on a day to day basis. I don't get to sing to them and laugh with them and teach them. Instead, I find myself wishing things could be different. And realizing that without them here, it's easy to wish that Jared hadn't come with three children. It's easy to wish that only my children were his children. That life was simpler. How strange it is that my first child will be his fourth! Just as Olivia wishes her parents weren't divorced, even though she really knows they are both happier now, I wish they had never been married, even though it's silly to dwell on wanting to change the past.

These thoughts are only part of me, however. And I accept them for what they are. I don't imagine anyone in my situation wouldn't have them from time to time. These are all things I thought long and hard about before we got engaged. I knew it wouldn't be easy. I have accepted the difficulty of all this because I love Jared more than I could ever express. I love who I am with him and what he teaches me and our conversations and the great fun we have together. I honestly can't imagine how our relationship could be better. Neither of us is perfect, but we each are helping the other to become more so. Life is complicated and hard and Jared's life has been harder than many. So while our situation may be complicated and difficult, our relationship is neither of those things. From the very beginning it has been easy and natural. I love him very much. And I love his children. I didn't give birth to them, but I feel so privileged to have a hand in raising them. To be another mother to them. At the end of the day, the only things that really matter are that they feel loved and know we want them to become good people, and that we figure out the best way to help them do that.

I suppose I will always feel those twinges of "if only this or that was different", but who doesn't feel that about something in their life? Life is about making the most of what we are given. I have been given so much--most importantly, I have been given love. Love from parents and family. Love from friends. Love from an adoring husband. And love from three little children. I am excited for what's to come.

shutterfly love

I want to introduce you to my new friend--shutterfly

Here is was what I love about it:

1. You can organize and store your photos (becomes a backup in case something crazy happens to your computer)

2. You can print your photos two ways: Send them to Target and pick them up an hour later. Or have Shutterfly print them and mail them to you. (You also get your first 15 prints free)

3. You can share your photos online. This is cool. Basically you get your own web page and can put photos there for friends and family to see.

Here is ours for anyone who wants to see all the pictures I don't put on my blog: http://jaredandkatrina.shutterfly.com/

4. Shutterfly also has a nifty little photo editor your can download and use for free. That is how I made the collages I had in all my New Mexico posts. Here is an example:
5. You can also make lots of fun things with your photos like cards and photo books and calendars, etc. I haven't done this yet, but am planning on it.

So there ya go! Try it out. I also tried Picasa, a branch of Google. You can do a lot of the same stuff, but I think I like Shutterfly better. Picasa has some nice features you can use with Blogger though, so it's definitely worth checking out. Have fun with your photos!

playing with baby parker

The end of May, my sweet sister-in-law Theresa had her first baby--Parker. When we arrived in Utah a few days after his birth this is what he looked like:

The day before Jared and I left Utah, Theresa returned to the Beehive state after a summer spent in North Dakota. Her husband, Thomas, is still there for a couple more weeks working. Here is Theresa with Jared (Don't they look alike?):

Having Theresa back meant that baby Parker was back too. And check out how darling he is now:

Of course we all had fun holding him.




He is such a sweet, happy baby. Fully of smiles and giggles. Although he liked to stop smiling as soon as I put the camera in his face. But I did capture this great grin (albeit a bit blurry):

Check out those dimples!

We miss you Parker, Theresa, and Thomas!

i left my heart in salt lake city

Savaged Hearts by Katharina Short

We are back in North Carolina. Back in our cute, one-bedroom apartment with a view of the tennis court and pool. Back in our most comfortable king-sized bed. Back to our cable. Back to the freedom to walk around in the buff. And yet, something is missing. Three somethings. We left them in Salt Lake City with part of our hearts.

Jared says that being away from his children feels like being disemboweled. I never really got it before. And while perhaps I still can't really know what it feels like to be away from a child I created, I have missed them in the past 48 hours so much more than I imagined. It is so strange to go from being with them all day, every day to not seeing them at all. And is strange to be with Jared, my best friend and favorite person in the whole world, and still be lonely.

It is so quiet. Depressingly quiet.

As with most things in life, I suppose we'll get used to it again. And of course there are all the advantages of life without children. But those don't seem all that great right now.