happy 25th, emily!!!

A little over 20 years ago, I met Emily Anne. We were both four years old, the oldest children to recent University of Utah Medical School graduates, and about to move from Utah to Cleveland, Ohio where our doctor dads would do their residency. I actually don't remember our first meeting. My first memory of Emily is riding our big wheels around my driveway as our families' shared moving van was unpacked. For the next five years, Em and I were the best of friends.

(Unfortunately, this is the only picture I have here of a little Emily. Sorry it's not clearer.)

She was a grade ahead of me in school, and I looked up to her as one a little older and wiser. Emily was even the one who told me where babies came from-- in kindergarten! We walked to school together and played after school. We had sleepovers, or attempted to anyway. If Em came to my house, she was never there when I woke up. She could never last the night away from home, and I always woke up crying because she wasn't there anymore. I think we eventually gave up, and I just always slept over at her house.

Our families spent nearly every holiday together. This picture, judging from the ages of us and our siblings, was our last Christmas Eve in Cleveland in 1991.


In the summer of 1992, my family moved from Cleveland to Zanesville, Ohio, three hours away. Em and I were 9 years old. Her family would move to Oregon two years later, but even though we lived far apart, we always kept in touch. Over the years we saw each other only a few times. One of those times was when we went to EFY together at Ricks College. Check out these awesome pics:


Eventually, Em and I both went to BYU. We never lived together, but we still saw each other. Em is the one who introduced me to the deliciousness of Magleby's Fresh french toast. Yum! Even if we hadn't talked in months, each time we did, it was as if nothing had changed.

I wasn't at all surprised when Em got married at age 20. She was always "boy crazy". ;-) And she was always mature. I was so happy for her that she ended up with Nate. They are so great together. And totally hot!

I remember Em telling me before she was married how much she loved the name Henry. I thought she was kinda crazy, but a couple years later she really did name her adorable boy Henry. And you know what? I like it.


Now Emily lives in Texas and has made quite the name for herself as a blogger. Her writing is fresh and honest and funny and sweet. She captures moments so beautifully with words. I wish I had her talent so I could properly pay tribute to her in this post. I remember how fun her emails always were back in high school. Even then, she was a great writer. And in college she would write me the sweetest "love note" emails full of encouragement and love.

I wish I had more recent pictures of the two of us, but it's been a long time since we've seen each other. I'm so grateful for these blogs that keep us connected. Emily is beautiful and talented and has grown up into such an amazing person, wife, and mother. I'm jealous of all those in Texas who get to hang out with her. Em and I will probably never live near each other again, but I know we will always be friends. It's so rare to find a friend at 4 years old who you know you will never lose. I'm so glad our dads both decided to go to Cleveland. And that our families are still friends. In fact, Em's parents recently visited mine in New Mexico. Mostly, I am grateful to call this amazing, talented, gorgeous, hard-working, kind, thoughtful, [insert other wonderful adjectives here] woman my friend.

I love you, Emily! Happy 25th Birthday!

parts of me

Clouds Rest, Wishful Thinking, Messengers of Hope by Katharina Short

I was checking out my "friends" on facebook who have recently updated their profiles and looked at some pictures of a girl who was in the Broadcast Journalism program with me at BYU. I didn't know her well because she was a year or so behind me in the program, but being the wonder that facebook is, I am able to keep tabs on her life, and I know that she recently got married. This is her second marriage, and she has a little girl (I think she's about 6) from the first. One of her pictures showed her, her husband, and her daughter. As I looked at this picture, I thought about how strange being a "step" is. How unusual it is for those in my age range, and the Mormon culture especially, to be in this situation. And I had a little insight as to how strange my life must look. My friend's husband became a step-parent to one child. I am a step-parent to three! What the hell am I doing?!

As we've made this transition to being just the two of us again, the strangeness of our situation has seemed more acute to me. During the summer, I was "Mummy" and did all the things any mom does for her children. It became my life. And as we all got used to each other and our roles in the family, it became quite natural and normal. But in the back of mind, I knew the summer would end, and the feeling of "playing house" never quite left me.

So now here I am back in North Carolina, kidless once more and trying to sort out some complicated feelings. One would think that I'd be grateful to be without them and have time alone with Jared again. And part of me is grateful for that. I am grateful for this time to be "newlyweds" again. To be able to go wherever we want, whenever we want, and do whatever we want, whenever we want. Another part of me misses the kids for the kids' sake. I miss talking to them and playing with them and hearing their stories and getting hugs and kisses.

And there is this part of me that misses simplicity. For some reason, being away from the children, makes me feel the complications of this situation much more. When I'm with them all the time, it seems simpler. I am a parent. But now that we are away, it's harder to feel that connection. I'm not parenting them on a day to day basis. I don't get to sing to them and laugh with them and teach them. Instead, I find myself wishing things could be different. And realizing that without them here, it's easy to wish that Jared hadn't come with three children. It's easy to wish that only my children were his children. That life was simpler. How strange it is that my first child will be his fourth! Just as Olivia wishes her parents weren't divorced, even though she really knows they are both happier now, I wish they had never been married, even though it's silly to dwell on wanting to change the past.

These thoughts are only part of me, however. And I accept them for what they are. I don't imagine anyone in my situation wouldn't have them from time to time. These are all things I thought long and hard about before we got engaged. I knew it wouldn't be easy. I have accepted the difficulty of all this because I love Jared more than I could ever express. I love who I am with him and what he teaches me and our conversations and the great fun we have together. I honestly can't imagine how our relationship could be better. Neither of us is perfect, but we each are helping the other to become more so. Life is complicated and hard and Jared's life has been harder than many. So while our situation may be complicated and difficult, our relationship is neither of those things. From the very beginning it has been easy and natural. I love him very much. And I love his children. I didn't give birth to them, but I feel so privileged to have a hand in raising them. To be another mother to them. At the end of the day, the only things that really matter are that they feel loved and know we want them to become good people, and that we figure out the best way to help them do that.

I suppose I will always feel those twinges of "if only this or that was different", but who doesn't feel that about something in their life? Life is about making the most of what we are given. I have been given so much--most importantly, I have been given love. Love from parents and family. Love from friends. Love from an adoring husband. And love from three little children. I am excited for what's to come.

shutterfly love

I want to introduce you to my new friend--shutterfly

Here is was what I love about it:

1. You can organize and store your photos (becomes a backup in case something crazy happens to your computer)

2. You can print your photos two ways: Send them to Target and pick them up an hour later. Or have Shutterfly print them and mail them to you. (You also get your first 15 prints free)

3. You can share your photos online. This is cool. Basically you get your own web page and can put photos there for friends and family to see.

Here is ours for anyone who wants to see all the pictures I don't put on my blog: http://jaredandkatrina.shutterfly.com/

4. Shutterfly also has a nifty little photo editor your can download and use for free. That is how I made the collages I had in all my New Mexico posts. Here is an example:
5. You can also make lots of fun things with your photos like cards and photo books and calendars, etc. I haven't done this yet, but am planning on it.

So there ya go! Try it out. I also tried Picasa, a branch of Google. You can do a lot of the same stuff, but I think I like Shutterfly better. Picasa has some nice features you can use with Blogger though, so it's definitely worth checking out. Have fun with your photos!

playing with baby parker

The end of May, my sweet sister-in-law Theresa had her first baby--Parker. When we arrived in Utah a few days after his birth this is what he looked like:

The day before Jared and I left Utah, Theresa returned to the Beehive state after a summer spent in North Dakota. Her husband, Thomas, is still there for a couple more weeks working. Here is Theresa with Jared (Don't they look alike?):

Having Theresa back meant that baby Parker was back too. And check out how darling he is now:

Of course we all had fun holding him.




He is such a sweet, happy baby. Fully of smiles and giggles. Although he liked to stop smiling as soon as I put the camera in his face. But I did capture this great grin (albeit a bit blurry):

Check out those dimples!

We miss you Parker, Theresa, and Thomas!

i left my heart in salt lake city

Savaged Hearts by Katharina Short

We are back in North Carolina. Back in our cute, one-bedroom apartment with a view of the tennis court and pool. Back in our most comfortable king-sized bed. Back to our cable. Back to the freedom to walk around in the buff. And yet, something is missing. Three somethings. We left them in Salt Lake City with part of our hearts.

Jared says that being away from his children feels like being disemboweled. I never really got it before. And while perhaps I still can't really know what it feels like to be away from a child I created, I have missed them in the past 48 hours so much more than I imagined. It is so strange to go from being with them all day, every day to not seeing them at all. And is strange to be with Jared, my best friend and favorite person in the whole world, and still be lonely.

It is so quiet. Depressingly quiet.

As with most things in life, I suppose we'll get used to it again. And of course there are all the advantages of life without children. But those don't seem all that great right now.

fare thee well

Our time in Utah is coming to an end. Tomorrow we will take the kids back to their mom and spend the night at my grandparents in Bountiful. Our flight leaves Tuesday morning back to North Carolina. There are many reasons why I will be very happy to be back in NC, but there are of course things to miss here. Namely--Olivia, Isaac, and Grace. Plus all my wonderful friends, many of whom I didn't even get to see. Plus, both Jared and I have wonderful extended family here with whom it's been wonderful to spend some time. It has been an adventure-filled summer, and we have many memories to take with us. I'll probably still post a few of the pictures I've taken here in the near future. But for my last Utah post, here are few that we took today.

Grace and Isaac before Church today.

Our attempt at a little family picture. I hate the background, but no matter where you stand around here you get the cinder-block palace in the background.

This is my favorite picture of all three kids! It's so hard to get them all smiling and looking cute. I was very happy I succeeded today!

positive parenting

The last day we were in New Mexico my mom gave us a few parenting books she had on her bookshelf. I didn't really take a good look at them until a couple days ago when I picked up a book called The Power of Positive Parenting by Glenn Latham. I read the forward and was impressed by this:

Whatever a child (or anyone else) does or says has consequences which influence the way that child will behave in future similar situations. With repetition, those behaviors become part of a child's personality. In other words, the consequences of a child's behavior, whether the behavior is considered by the parents to be desirable or undesirable, shape a child's traits--abilities, habits, manners, attitudes, etc.

...Hence, the essential ingredient in dealing with problem behavior and in child rearing practices in general, is the management of consequences in ways that increase desirable behavior and decrease undesirable behavior.

So how do you do that? Well the author's advice is very simple, but rather mind-blowing as well. He says that all parental attention, positive and negative, reinforces behaviors. Basically that kids act up because they get attention when they do, even though it's negative attention. So to decrease bad behavior, parents have to constantly give attention for positive behavior. And actually ignore a lot of bad behavior!

This makes sense, but it's also quite radical. Think about it. When kids are behaving and playing nicely with each other, what do most parents do? We leave them be. We ignore them. It's only when they start fighting or hitting or what have you that we show up and scold and punish. But the attention given when they are misbehaving actually reinforces that misbehavior because they are getting attention from us. Crazy!

The author says that instead parents should find ways to give attention when children are behaving to reinforce those behaviors. It can be a simple statement like, "I'm so glad to see you children playing nicely together." Things like that. But you need to do it pretty frequently to keep the reinforcement going.

So here are the author's five parenting rules:

1. Clearly communicate your expectations to your children. This includes a clear description of those behaviors that will get your attention. This is typically best done through role playing.
2. Ignore inconsequential behaviors.
3. Selectively reinforce appropriate behaviors.
4. Stop then redirect inappropriate behaviors.
5. Stay close to your children.

I've only read about 40 pages so far and haven't gotten into the details of each of these rules, but I've already made a paradigm shift. Today, Jared and I made a real effort to be positive and make sure the kids are aware of all the things they are doing right that we appreciate. And we've been better about ignoring those behaviors that don't deserve our attention, like whining, mild tantrums, etc. And today really has been so much better. I can see the kids light up under all the praise and learning that they won't get our attention with crying and whining.

We've also been using our "penny points" system more. Olivia came up with this a couple months ago and we've extended it to all the kids. When they do things we ask, help out around the house, or make improvements in behavior, they get pennies. It's been a great tangible reward system. (kinda like giving a dog treats!) And it works!

These sweet children have gone through quite a lot with their parents' divorce, and they are good kids. But they are not the best behaved children and it's been a challenge retraining them this summer. The frustrating thing is that I feel like I have made a dent, and they are getting better, but now we are leaving and they are going back to their mom. I'm so afraid that all my work will be undone. It's one of the major difficulties of this situation. They have a good mom who loves them very much, but she obviously must let them get away with a lot if they act the way they do. Kids behavior is a product of their environment. Dr. Latham says that if you fix the environment, you fix the kid.

I just hope that they will remember how they are expected to act when they are with us and we can get back to that when we see them again. And hopefully Jared and I will be able to share some of what we've learned with their mom and she'll be able to continue it.

I love these three crazy kids very much, and I've learned and grown so much this summer. I am a parent with all that word means, except that I haven't given birth. I want them to grow up to be good, loving people who care about those around them. I want them to be happy. I want them to feel loved. I want to make sure I do all I can so that they reach their highest potential. Which I guess is what every good parent wants for their children.

I totally recommend the book to all parents, no matter what age your children are. I will write any more insights I have as I read through the book. And I'd love to hear any thoughts you all have about these ideas. After all, I'm still VERY new at this!

And because they are so cute, here are a couple pictures I took today of the kids in front of the gorgeous flowers near the BYU library.

to cut

I did it! I contemplated and pondered most of the summer. I scoured the internet for ideas and checked out my friends hair. I wrote a blog asking for opinions. And today I did it... I cut the bangs!


And in case you didn't get a good enough look and because my husband took like 10 pictures of me and because sometimes I'm vain... here are few more...


Jared's not quite sure about them but still loves me and the kids all think I look very different. Looking at these pictures.... I like them but it will take some getting used to. And after all... it is just hair.

my last new mexico post

Now that we've been back from New Mexico for more than a week, I'm finally finishing posting about it. Here are the last few little photo montages of our trip. Thanks for hanging in there!

It was really fun having the kids at my parents' house and for my family to get to know them better. They are my parents first "grandkids" afterall, but I have to say my parents made the transition to "Grandma Dawn" and "Grandpa Rod" quite well. It was also fun getting out all the toys my mom has saved (and drug across the country) for the kids to play with. Their favorites hands down were the American Girl dolls. Olivia adopted "Felicity" for the week and Isaac was obsessed with "his baby"--the American Girl Bitty Baby, which Grace stole when he wasn't around.

Silly Grace got in a battle of wills my sister Lauren while Lauren was cooking. Something about Grace wanting some food item that she was perfecting capable of getting herself but wanted Lauren to get. Lauren wouldn't do it, and Grace kept insisting she was tired. Well, maybe she was, because after 15 mintues of arguing, this is what what happened:

This is one of my parents' two dogs. I didn't get any good pictures of Kenji unfortunately. But Kao is quite the little poser isn't she? They are Sheba Inus. Very fun, independent dogs, but Kenji likes to escape and got out just about everyday we were there!

One day Jared and I got to leave the kiddies at home with my brother Nick and headed down to Santa Fe to enjoy some of the art galleries while my mom ran errands. It was fun to have an afternoon "date" and stroll this part of Santa Fe. The street is lined with art galleries. Some had some very impressive art, others were full of cliche. These pictures were snapped across the street from our favorite gallery. I loved this white picket fence and leafy green trees. And we had to take a picture of ourselves as well!



So that does it, folks! It was a fun trip full of good family time and with excellent photo documentation. Hope you enjoyed the snapshot version!

camping at morphy lake

One of the main reasons we went down to New Mexico was to take the kids camping. We drove to Morphy Lake and spent a fun day and half there. Everything was great except for the less than classy people who settled into the campsite next to ours at 10 p.m. They stayed up until about 2 a.m. and were very loud. We didn't get a great night's sleep, but our waking hours were fun and relaxing. Here's a look at what we did.

There were great big rocks to climb.

And a lake to canoe in.

Crawdads to hunt.


And marshmallows to eat.


And of course lots of dirt to play in.


And we just sat around too.... some of us read Eclipse (so good!).




























Overall, it was an excellent little overnighter. I mean who wouldn't have fun in a place that looks like this:


Still to come... a few more photos from our trip.